I know a thing or two about being single. How do I know anything? Try experience. I have been single for going on 45 years (and I’m only 25) so I know a thing or two. The thing is though, why did God have to make it so that even though you’re single and not married, that drive to want to rub naughty parts is prominent?
So as I am claiming myself to be an expert in this field, I thought I would take this chance to go over some thoughts and topics regarding this subject.
A. Sexual drive.
God created sex. Sounds weird to say that but He did. He created it that so when a man and a woman find each other and decide to spend their lives with each other, that they would have something they could both enjoy. A gift to each other.
That being said, what do you do if you’re a single christian person? I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this concept. What do I do? That drive is there. Ever present. They say the average male thinks about sex like what, every six seconds? Oops there I did it. That is just an incredible stat. Oops I just did it again. I can’t look at porn since I’ll feel guilty for being Christian (and I’m not catholic so there goes that excuse). I don’t even have anyone to hug. So why can’t God just sort of cut off the feed to that sexual drive and needs until I am fortunate enough to find some poor sucker of a woman to marry?
I know God created sex. It is suppose to be a beautiful and meaningful thing between two of His creations. But growing up in this day and age, there are so many things that make it so difficult to deal with. For example, I’ve had to hold back about 15 dumb middle school sexual jokes just in this writing already. Being a single young Christian person is insanely hard.
This drive that is installed in us can be overbearing. It’s part of our nature to need to be with someone else sexually. If it wasn’t, then there wouldn’t be any children. On the bright side of this, there would then be no Little Bow Wow.
B. The word “sex” being offensive
It’s as if everyone tip toes around this subject. I agree it is uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable when it’s brought up (mainly due to my lack of experience and because it depresses me that no ladies feel the need to feel me up). This is true in church especially. Being Christians sometimes hinders us. Sex is a part of life. It is necessary for the survival of species.
Recently we had a men’s retreat weekend at some mountain cabin resort. During this, we discussed many things, mainly the sexual battles men endure. This was a highly uncomfortable time for me. Was it because of the subject matter? Sort of. Mainly it was because I was the only single young guy there. It was almost as uncomfortable as that one time I thought a woman was pregnant (note to self, never assume). So yes it is an uncomfortable subject. But why? We talk about other things God has created.
C. Friends with benefits.
What a weird form or words to go together. Do these every work out? Judging by the television shows I watch the answer is no. At least one of the two people more then likely have feelings for the other. I cannot comment to much on this due to my ability to never be apart of this. Now if I was rich….wait that would imply that women think money makes a guy more attractive….oh wait…
*EDITORS NOTE: the author is very sensitive when it comes to women due to every one of his handful of relationships ending in a way that one would consider less than great. Also, he can be sort of a jerk sometimes. He doesn’t even pay me to edit. What a cheap skate. He once asked a waitress if she had a mirror in her pants cause he was in them. But I digress…”
There are a lot of questions we may have for God when it comes to being single and sex. What’s the point of having this want for sex if we shouldn’t use it till marriage? I dunno. I do think that sex isn’t such a bad thing. God made it. Does that mean we should go around and let people have sex right in town square? Of course not. That is offensive and let’s face it, we all know it’d end up being two ugly people (*EDITORS NOTE: the author just scratched a date off his planner).
So how do you deal if you’re the single Christian person? That’s a great question. You can go to a club since dancing is pretty much now sex with your clothes on. Or you can pray. Or when you have that urge you can look at a picture that will automatically shrink you’re funions. Did you know that if you are a guy and you just read this then you thought about sex at least 4526852 times. We all know women aren’t like that. They are much more lady like. Heck, women don’t even toot in public.
While I’m in church, I feel the obligation to make a conscience effort not to think about sex so I don’t let Jesus down. Why is that? Perhaps it’s because there are families there. While I completely agree sex is a subject to be talked about only when there are no young ears to hear it, I also believe it to be important to talk about when you’re single, in you’re 20s and did i mention single?
So why did I spend a whole blog on sex? Was it so I could put the word sex in the topics and watch the views for my site skyrocket? Yes. But it’s also because I believe it to be something important that is rarely talked about. Something that us young single people struggle with.
In conclusion, I decided to end this blog by helping everyone out. If you ever feel you are getting that urge but want it to go away, I have included a picture that will aid you. Just looking at this pic should make you think about things such as life, liberty, america, anything other than sex.
Of course, that’s unless you’re into that sort of thing. Which in that case that’s something for a different blog on a different site.


15 comments
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April 28, 2008 at 1:41 am
Jules
Please. Single Christian women feel the need to have sex too. It is definitely not just a guy thing. It may be a little harder for men (no pun intended) but girls struggle with it. I have had so many conversations with Christian women about this. It’s not easy for us either.
April 28, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Rebecca
I’m with Jules on this. I’m 26 and single with 2 of my friends already married and hearing them talk . . .good grief.
While it may not be outwardly apparent our thinking about sex, and the desires that come with that – it’s still there. Just cause we don’t “toot” in public doesn’t mean we are gas free. We just don’t broadcast.
As for why God doesn’t turn it off until we are married – I think it’s to push us closer to him – we can’t get through a day without dependance on him. And if you’ve had the anticipation for so long then when that glorious day does come it will be even better!!!
April 28, 2008 at 6:45 pm
missetiquette
I’m a single Christian woman and I have to agree with Rebecca and Jules on this. You fellas are not alone in this. We might not broadcast it (after all, that wouldn’t be ladylike) but we still think about it and struggle with it. That’s when dependancy on God comes in handy………..well, that and a good distraction.
April 30, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Tony Scott
I have been married for twenty years, however I’m in the process of gathering information for the Singles Ministry at my church and therefore have a question.
There’s a saying “you can’t miss something that you never had”.
Now the question: If one is a virgin and has never experience sexual pleasure of any sort. Is that person’s sexual desires as strong as the one who may have chosing to abstain from sex after having experienced same?
For a virgin; is it more of a desiring for affection or a close and intimate relationship w/o sex? Or is it a sexual yearning to be satisfied as it would be for someone who has experienced the pleasures of being in a sexual relationship and for whatever the reason is nolonger in that relationship.
October 9, 2008 at 5:30 am
Natalie
I found this blog trying to find a picture of Kermit the Frog for a worksheet I am making for my students. (I teach high school English and we are getting ready to study The Celbrated Frog of Calaveras County). I got more than I bargained for…but a very interesting topic. (-:
October 27, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Joel Costello
http://www.midtowncolumbia.com/index.cfm?sp=teaching
I reccomend downloading the sermons “good sex, bad sex”
They were both very good…
January 11, 2009 at 8:51 am
John
I am on the same boat, I have desires but at the same time sex is just a part of marriage. Lets say I got married right now and I satisfied my physical needs but I got married before God made me into the man he wanted me to be. I would ruin my marriage and I would not be able to enjoy my wife and have the happy marriage I have prayed for. Therefore you have to wait to become who God wants you to be and then he will send you the right girl to enjoy sex and all the other gifts he has for you.
October 4, 2009 at 7:41 am
Julio
Hey guys yes it is not easy and it meams unfare to be tempted al the time am telling you we all can overcome this let just hold on to Gods word.
Ephesians 6:10-19
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
October 24, 2009 at 10:02 am
Mark G Pakulak
Great post! I feel for your pain buddy….. Keep up the good writing!
February 11, 2010 at 5:39 am
kathryn
well i was born with incomplete development
did god make this way, i cant have kids and have no sex drive – and no not a eunuch(which is a castrated male) i struggle with being single but its 100% not a sexual thing for me- i feel left out, i feel totally alone and wondering why everyone around me is married but me, thing is christian advice is so hurtful
so insenstive- well god has a plan for ya- hmm yeah and you idiot dont know what it is so stop implying you do!!!
thing is god said its not good for man to be alone
was this just a tip a suggestion
and no longer excepting
“well god wants to you focus on him, etc”
ok do they not know thats not gods opinion on the matter and are alone on that
i have been single my entire life
and it really disgusts me that god has something to do with it
the same god that said in genesis its not good for man to be alone
wants some of us to be alone
thats double standard
hipocracy
and makes that verse an oxymoron
god
you said its not good for man to be alone
are you ignoring the fact i have to to take xanax every day
!!!!!!!!!!!
April 15, 2011 at 12:02 am
Joe
Human dna has been tainted since the garden of eden. Some people are born conjoined at the head or without limbs or their heart is outside their body! Did God do all that? Of course not. Did God make me start to go bald at age 25? Did God make some people have crooked teeth? No. Our genetics caused all of this!
July 14, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Daniela
I can only underline what the other femals posted here – it can be really really hard for a woman to live with this unfulfilled desire for sex. Maybe for a man the pressure is bigger because of his anatomy, but for a woman it can still be a huge struggle – especially if she has had sexual experiences before like I did. Unfortunately, I also engaged in self-pleasure but came to a realization that it’s wrong, but now it’s so hard for me to abstain! I have no doubt that it’s easier for the virgins, who have never engaged in any sexual activity. But indeed, we have to depend on God – every day of our lives. He is the only one who can somehow fill this gap right now. But how much do I pray and hope for this day when I can finally quench my thirst with a godly man!
July 19, 2010 at 9:50 am
Michael
Praying: > praying about prayers said especially unanswered ones.
I came to a church after travelling for a good long while & a bout 20 couples were hitched with children in the space of about 2 years.
Now a lady took me out on a date, we walked out somewhere beautiful. Then shared a drink. The menu in that place had the phrase ‘perfect partners’ yet I felt guarded, cautious, reticent. I said I was not ready to date. She is now married . . . ..
I became friends with an older lady at the same church, we dated simply as friends. But that faded, we both realised our issues from the past yet in very different ways.
Now I’m 40 & just looked back at another few months cut off again because todays churches have such strong family centred focus.
So I pray for a way to give to others what I don’t have myself, maybe then I can find more truth.
Sex is a struggle but as Kathryn pointed out to us it is far more, it is isolation, lonliness. So back to God’s word in all things pray, pray about prayer, especially unanswered ones, I pray God help us all to understand so much more to help & love one another, it seems suffocating at church because we single Christian people are hung up about the issue & we all need more prayers & hopefully more answers/revelation & healing from God – hallelujah anyway – love & peace all
April 28, 2011 at 4:29 am
Daniel
the the OP at least in your 20s you have a higher chance of meeting someone. It gets a lot more difficult as you get older and you have to face the real possibility of a life alone. No sex and being alone. As michael has pointed out, most churches are family focussed. So make the most of your youth and try to meet your soulmate while you still have time and youthful energy.
April 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Rob
There were some great comments on here and all of them good to hear. We all have such a different perspective, but at the same time share this same thread-we are trying to know Jesus while at the same time get a grasp of our sexual drives.
One thing that I have found so vitally important in my life is to recognize, as Daniela did, when it is actually hurting me. From that point, seeking a counselor to get down to the root of why I am actually doing this. It is completely natural that I want to experience the amazingness (yea thats my word) of sexual pleasure, but when I am stricken with guilt because of it, that is a red flag. If I don’t get down to the deep reason of why I am trying to use sex in an unhealthy way to fulfill me, I will hurt myself and others continuously. This is what I did and I couldn’t stop.
My brothers and sisters, there is a way out. Be bold, be courageous and seek help. When we humble ourselves, we will be exalted!
grace and peace to you all.
~rob