NORTH CAROLINA
North Carolina. What a beautiful state. It has three beautiful regions. Mountains, piedmont, and the ever eroding beaches. Come for the changing of the leaves, stay for the pig farms.
WHERE DID THE NAME COME FROM?
North Carolina was named after the feared dinosaur Northus Carolinius. It was known for it’s sharp teeth and it’s constant need for road construction.
CLIMATE
The climate in the state of North Carolina is considered awesome. And it’s only considered awesome if you love terrible weather. Enjoy the hot humid summers and the cold but not cold enough for snow winters.
CLIMATE EVENTS
A. Super storm of 1993- a huge storm that affected most of the united states, doing much damage and causing havoc to a lot of americans. Almost as much so as Dr. Phil.
B. Hurricane (pick a name any name) – many hurricanes have hit the area, causing massive erosion. The Cape Hatteras Lighthouse was quoted as saying “Oh no, not again.”
TOURIST ATTRACTIONS
1. Outer Banks. Known for it’s vast areas of sand.
2. Putt putt. Massive putt putts everywhere. Miniature golf is the only thing that fuels North Carolina’s economy. You will be able to find any putt putt course you wish and play on, since most of them are now out of business and closed.
HISTORY
- North Carolina was officially discovered in 1584. Sir Walter Raleigh was sailing, trying to find a new land so he’d have a place to stash his pot.
- North Carolina was the 12th state to ratify the Constitution. It was the 1st state to decide that Hootie and the Blowfish should have a career, something they have yet to be forgiven for.
- Civil War – North Carolina was heavily involved with the civil war. From oppressing slaves to shooting Stonewall Jackson, their own general, and killing him. On a side note, it is one of the states in the south that still practices racism.
- the first airplane was built at Kitty Hawk. It was a short flight, so there were no peanuts or drinks available.
DEMOGRAPHIC
Has a population of 8,856,505, though this is not counting the illegal immigrants who make up most of Western North Carolina.
RACES:
Caucasians – 55%
African American – 42%
Latinos – 20 % (all 20% live in the same trailer)
MAJOR CITIES
Charlotte – home to many sports teams like the Charlotte Bobcats, the Carolina Panthers, and the lesser known Charlotte Bank Employees.
Raleigh – Home to tobacco. Raleigh has only a year to live thanks to the lung cancer it was just diagnosed with last week. It claims it can quit anytime it wants.
EDUCATION
1% can read at an adult level
99% like books with pictures
RECREATION
Most north Carolinians enjoy playing basketball. Although most will never turn pro due to their Caucasian tendencies.
STATS AND FUN FACTS
- state bird: cardinal
-state motto: “Enjoy our beaches while they’re still there.”
- High Point is considered the furniture capital of the world. So while there is nothing to do in High Point, you will always have a place to sit down.
- The Graveyard of the Atlantic is where many ships have sunk to their doom. It is a vast graveyard of sunken ships and broken dreams. The east coasts version of Las Vegas.
- Babe Ruth hit his first home run in North Carolina. He also invented the candy bar at the same time.
- North Carolina is home to many lavish meth labs. Some even have running water.
- It is the leader in tobacco production, and the leading cause of those annoying Truth ads.
- the oldest town in the state is called Bath, named after the very thing it’s residents refuse to partake in.
- 9 out of 10 radio stations play country music, which in turn really depresses me
FAMOUS PEOPLE FROM NORTH CAROLINA
- Thomas Wolfe. A writer. Sadly, no one from his home state has ever read any of his books or heard of him at all.
- Clay Aiken. A singer of some sorts. It is unknown what sex Clay is, as well as why he/she is remotely popular.
- Andy Griffith. Actor. Whistler. He could arrest you for jay walking AND represent you in court.
- Dale Earnhardt. Race care driver. Known for driving in circles and turning left. Turning right is what killed him.
The map of North Carolina. I only know this because it was labeled.
The Cape Hatteras Lighthouse. Every day it inches closer and closer to it’s doom.
Nascar: the number two spectator sport in the world, behind competitive toastering.
the first flight of man. the wright brothers only had a two hour delay and it only took them four hours to get through security and to check their luggage.
The Blue Ridge Parkway. It is so beautiful that you barely notice the empty bear cans tossed to the side of the road.
12 comments
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June 25, 2008 at 4:22 am
MissEtiquette
LOL The poor abused Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.
June 26, 2008 at 7:11 am
Trevo Frankinheimer
How DARE you talk that way about North Carolina, my home and my first true love! You say Sir Walter Raleigh discovered NC because he wanted to hide his pot. How about my foot discovers your (**edited NC Public Decency Association**)!!
I am appalled by your mocking of Dale Earnhardt, my hero and the father of my wife’s children! In great humility and reverence, I would like to present a list of 5 comparisons to Dale and a man you may have heard of: The King of the universe and your own Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I hope any readers with taste who accidentally discovered this steaming pile of dung, incorrectly referred to as “Johnny’s blog,” do not find this offensive. I simply admire true greatness, and am honored to have the chance to make even a single comparison between the Greatest Driver who ever drove, and the Greatest Man who ever lived.
1. Both are famous men from history
2. Both have many followers and (**edited by the ACLU**)
3. Both were given (**edited by the Southern Baptist Association**)
4. (**edited by the Vatican**)
5. And Finally, both are (**edited by Trevor’s mom**)
In summary, I love NC because I have the freedom to say whatever I want to whoever I want, without fear of censorship.
P.S. Trevor Franklin does not necessarily condone or support the views expressed in the commentary on this dvd.
June 27, 2008 at 1:45 am
JSword
“You’re a nut!” Quick now, what North Carolina actor and whistler’s TV show did that line appear on? And speaking of our beloved AG, did you ever notice how many times he outright LIED to Opie? No wonder the poor boy went on to direct The Da Vinci Code. Couldn’t quite ever get it straight after the 50s.
When you get to SC, please make sure Strom is mentioned with respect. He was my senator for the entire time I lived in SC, something like 30 years! I shook his hand once. But then, so did everybody after a while.
June 27, 2008 at 1:55 am
johnnyism
only if i get to make a bunch of age jokes. the guy lived for well over 300 years.
June 27, 2008 at 2:14 am
JSword
Watch it, I’m no spring chicken either. You wouldn’t want to offend me, would you there, sonny? LOL
What I loved were the pictures of him sleeping while the Senate was in session. The man had his priorities intact.
June 27, 2008 at 2:22 am
johnnyism
i know you’re not easily offended though or you wouldn’t be reading my “blog.”
i’m actually thinking of doing all the states, plus canada and mexico for a book or something.
and all i know about strom is that he was in the senate ever since George Washington appointed him to be.
September 23, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Groundhog
Hey you forgot a couple of critically important and unique attributes of the Tarheel State. You made no mention of Eric Robert Rudolph and the Confederate holdouts he was caught dumpster diving at McDonald’s in Murphy with. And what about that other long suffering Senator who only just passed from this earth. Hallowed be his name as he rests long in those Blue Ridge Mountains that grace the cover of many a sanctimonious free brochure.
October 28, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Tom Hogensen
There are critics, and there are a**holes. You, buddy, are an a**hole.
October 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Tom Hogensen
You’re not funny, either.
January 22, 2009 at 12:45 am
Chris Carone
Wow…its hilarious that someone took that literally! I love you Johnnyism! You make my T-shirt white without the harmful toxins of Chlorox Bleach!!
April 27, 2009 at 3:18 am
Mary
I think you meant “beer cans”, NOT “bear cans”. How ironic – you actually had the balls to pick on our state for being “illiterate”, yet you forgot to do something as simple as proofreading your own blog before posting it! hahahahahaa!
Morons – they come in all shapes and sizes….and apparently, from all states!
June 4, 2009 at 12:53 am
Reiser
Mary, I was going to post the same exact thing. Good form. Posted from Durham, NC.