Rhode Island is the United States smallest state. This is actually the only thing you ever need to know about it. You should actually go back and read about a different state. Go on, I wouldn’t blame you. The one on Kentucky is pretty good.
Ok really? You actually want to know where the name for Rhode Island came from? You’re doing this for a school project aren’t you? Alright fine. I’ll tell you. The name came from some guy who wanted to call it “red island.” They ended up changing the name after deciding the color red was just to violent.
No one actually knows since the state is not large enough to be inhabited.
Nothing major has ever happened to Rhode Island. Most storms just don’t have the heart to destroy something so small. Rhode Island just looks so cute standing there, pretending to be a grown up.
Rhode Island doesn’t have many. No one ever has time to stop due to the fact that the entire state is one car length long.
1776: Rhode Island was the first colony to declare for independence from Great Britain. Rhode Island is still upset by the fact that no one really cared until Massachusetts declared independence themselves. Rhode Island is also angered by the fact that Massachusetts still gives it noogies after all these years.
1790: Rhode Island ushered in the industrial revolution. This ended hundreds of years of suffering by African Americans by starting a new era of suffering inside factories making items they themselves could not afford.
1812: Rhode Island refused to participate in the War of 1812. What Rhode Island didn’t realize was that it was never asked to.
1910: The population of Rhode Island reaches 540,000. No one knows how they all fit in there.
Rhode Island is made up of thousands of people from all creeds who wish their state was someone else.
White: 65%
African American: They’re just there to crash on the couch for a few days.
People Who Like Numbers: 15%
People Who Believe The Simpsons stopped being funny ten seasons ago: 54%
You’re kidding right?
100% read about their states own importance
100% become depressed afterwards
Rhode Islanders enjoy traveling. This is easier for them since they can get from one side of the state to the other in just under five minutes.
-the first open golf tournament was held in Rhode Island. The first golfer hit his ball into another state. This is not as impressive as it sounds, since he only hit it a little under 100 yards.
- if you ask someone from Rhode Island about their state, they will tell you that Rhode Island is pretty much a living historical museum. When pressed for details, Rhode Islanders will then tell you they said that just so they’d feel important.
- Portsmouth was the first town established by a woman. This angered most men since that meant that she had not cooked dinner yet.
James Woods: apparently he is some sort of actor. I had to really reach to find famous people from Rhode Island.
Seth MacFarlene: known for making the animated comedy show Family Guy. Family Guy takes place in Rhode Island, making it the only thing to ever make the state remotely entertaining.
Unknown Person: I’m sure there will be more famous people from Rhode Island. So this is a place holder for that next person.
You have now seen the entire state of Rhode Island.
Oh this is James Woods. I think I’ve seen this guy in some things, though I can’t quite place it.
This cell phone is only slightly larger then the state of Rhode Island.
12 comments
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July 2, 2008 at 11:16 am
Amy
What?!?! A state named Rhode Island? Never heard of it, the home school curiculm my mother chose must have overlooked Rhode Island.
I just looked on a map and couldn’t find it. Any pointers?
July 2, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Jules
I’ve gotta admit, this one made me laugh. Poor Rhode Island. I would just like to say that there are way too many states out east that are small. Conneticut, Vermont, … I know there are more but I’ve had a long day and am too lazy to look at a map. I think that these small states should be counted as half a state. And Texas should be 9 states.
Are you really planning on doing this for all 50 states? You must be learning a lot even if you’re not trying to.
July 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm
johnnyism
Rhode Island is actually just a small unpaved dirt road that connects Connecticutt and Massachusetts.
And I dunno Jules. They’re really fun to write and to come up with, but I dunno how many the people who read this could stand. If they stay popular I guess. I’d like to, but it depends on the public.
July 3, 2008 at 2:00 am
JSword
The chicken!! You forgot the Rhode Island Red! I’ll forgive you this time, because this post is so funny, but please be more careful in the future!
By the way, Wikipedia says the Rhode Island red was bred in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. Could that be because the state is too small to hold both the hen and the rooster at the same time? Maybe that was why the chicken crossed the road? to get to Massachusetts?
I apologize; I think this post messed with my mind.
Just a little.
July 3, 2008 at 4:32 am
johnnyism
I’m glad to see that my posts have inspired some of you to actually study about states.
There is even a more important question. Which came first? The chicken or Rhode Island?
The answer may never be known.
If these posts are messing with your mind, then I am doing my job. Which reminds me, I should be paid for these.
July 3, 2008 at 5:49 am
Joyce Hostetter
I really like this one. California too. Do you want me to tell you about the typos.
Never mind, I know the answer to that!
July 3, 2008 at 8:28 am
johnnyism
you know what’s sad joyce? i honestly read over this four or five times and apparently still don’t know how to spell.
July 8, 2008 at 8:18 am
Trevis Framplin
Bwa ha ha ha! You fools still believe that Rhode Island is that little speck of land below Massachusetts? Have you ever noticed the name, Rhode “ISLAND”?!? We Rhode Islanders are actually an advanced race living on an island just off the cost of New Jersey. It amazes me that no one has even noticed, but then you common land dwellers always were blinded by your own arrogance. I will give you a brief cultural lesson on the REAL Rhode Island with two previously unknown facts.
Fact 1. In Rhode Island, we have done away with all forms of direct human communication, minimizing the occurrence of verbal hate crime and boring conversation. We have made text messaging the only legal human interaction, and we plan to secretly begin to pass this law in other states by affecting public opinion through subliminal texting.
Fact 2. Rhode Island is the majority stock holder of Verizon, Cingular, At&T, Motorolla, and Nokia.
Note: Trevor Franklin, a refugee who fled Rhode Island in 1990, is currently at work trying to expose the horrible truth behind the real Rhode Island. His battle for truth can be seen in the hit documentary “How the Real America is Beginning to E-Rhode.”
August 11, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Emily
I’m from Rhode Island.
We’re the home of Dell’s Lemonade, Coffee Milk, the Big Blue Bug, and Mercy Brown.
Dan In Real Life was filmed here, as was 27 Dresses.
There’s a lot people don’t know. All you have to say is “the smallest state” and people assume it’s worthless.
Not true. I live here. That must account for something
We’ve done pretty good for ourselves for such a small state
August 11, 2008 at 10:43 pm
johnnyism
Dan In Real Life was great because Steve Carrel was in it. Although so was Dane Cook.
I never said Rhode Island was worthless. I only meant that if I was in Rhode Island, I could lay down and be in a different state.
August 19, 2008 at 6:56 am
little miss rhode island
youu losers! rhode island is NOT as small as your making it seem we have done alot and its a great state just because its small dosent mean its worthless seriously. this was funny thought but really stupid for people to believe it…
June 5, 2009 at 2:11 am
Ken
famous people from R I ???? Here ya go…………
http://www.projo.com/extra/2007/mob/chart_patriarca.htm