The following posts were written for a very small crowd, namely Johnny and Trevor, who know too much about certain kinds of music . This collaborative effort would not have been possible without the rapid downfall of a once noble style of music. This music, originating from talented (if raw) bands like Thursday has since taken a nose dive as teens filled with angst try their best to write “emotional” lyrics. This music has since been branded “emo” (for emotional) by record labels. Like most good things, it has also become a cesspool of quickly written and packaged music which somehow becomes very popular. The hallmark traits of modern “emo” are self-hatred, morbid topics, and (generally) every song mentions dying in some way for some reason that is definitely not worth dying over. Failed romance usually plays a role as well (in many cliched ways).

These mock songs we have written are not mocking serious issues such as teenage suicide or pain. There are many truly emotional songs out there which deal with real hurt. I’m not above shedding a tear when a song touches a genuine emotion in me. Unfortunately, songs like those you are about to read are made for one goal: get money out of teens and preteens who only shop at Hot Topic and wear skin-tight black clothing 24/7. If anything, this music gives teens an excuse to not work through life’s problems. Hating yourself and the world is becoming the new “cool.” If these lyrics seem ridiculous, I guarantee that they are actually less corny than many real “emo” songs. If nothing else, you’ve had a quick lesson in popular music!

the following songs were written by Johnny. At the end you will find a link to Trevor’s blog, where he too takes a dagger throw at emo. On a sad side note, i actually wrote five emo songs and had to pick the three “best” ones. enjoy.

These songs are all fake and were written in 10 minutes or less. after reading them, you will know that this is no lie.

The following lyrics are all from the sophomore album from the up and coming band “The UnLoved”. their sophomore release “Why Does The World Hate Who I Choose To Be” is the follow up to their first smash hit record “Your Love Is Like Hot Lave Poured On To My Open Eyes”.

My Ruptured Spine of Love

The spine of my spirit
Has been ripped from me
I turn around to look for you
But you arent there

Where are youuuuu
I need you
Without you I am naked
Where are you
I need you
Hold me

The blood drips from the dagger
Just as it drips from me
It forms a red puddle
Around a picture of you and me

You Are My Fungus

You used to be my date
Now you are my hate
You are the reason why I fail
You are my ingrown toe nail
And I will take that ingrown toe nail
And let it dig into my skin
Cause whats the point of living
Without your light within

You ripped a hole in me
I miss you kissing me

You’re like my little hang nail
Or like my bread that’s gone stale
You caused this fungus inside me
Not even my black make up can hide me
And as the ingrown toe nail falls out
Your memories become my gout
Ill have to rip my black hair out
Use my eyeliner to scrape my pupils out

How To Evade Sharp Objects

A pitchfork of love
Was pushed forth into my loins
It caught me of guard
As the hole sprung forth black coins

Ill never be whole again
I slide my long hair to the other side of my face
When I close my eyes I cant see
Your love like a high speed car chase

I cut my wrists with my eyeliner
Watching my veins disappear
Im a single cow in an open empty field
Accompanied by a lonely tear


Woe Is Me

Just try to penetrate the dark depths of my soul
Sunshine gave up a long time ago
The sun blocked by the dam built up
Built up inside my lungs
Choking me I can no longer breathe!
And its all because of her….

Her love brought me agony
Now im only filled with pain
I just wish I was dead
So I tried to die

The dyslexia I suffer
Makes me want to YRC YRC YRC!
My feelings like the mime
All pale, white and quiet
Im trapped inside this invisible box
With no chance to escape!!!!

The Hidden Message Of A Lonely Broken Heart

Baby I feel like
I feel like you downloaded me illegally
Baby I want to know if
If you would ever copywrite infringe me
Baby your love smells
Smells like you have stolen me
Baby your bright pink punk hair
Like the color of someone guilty

OHHH BABY love me please
OHHH baby caress my pale cheeks

Baby sometimes I
I wonder if you’d just buy me
Baby why cant you
Cant you just plop down 15 bucks
Baby you know
You know that im worth that much
Baby ill make you
In my top 8 on my myspace account

look for their new album in stores on a monday, since thats the dreariest day of the week.

to see what trevor has come up with in the world of emo, check out