As some of you may know, i get asked to act in a lot of plays or skits. while i do indeed enjoy acting, i have noticed a growing trend. it seems that i am forever to play the worst character in every play. is it a testament to how great of an actor i am? perhaps it’s due to the fact that people just think id make a great jerk. who knows.

first, ill go over the parts i have already played. this will show you what has led me to this conclusion.

Judas. yes, that judas. you know, the guy who kinda sort of betrayed Jesus, the son of God and our Savior. tho, i have to say, i do like playing the parts of those people who are internally conflicted, still. i was judas.

A guy who beats his kid. i dont remember his name, i just remember he was a king. and that he beat his kid. did the kid deserve it? most definately. does that make it right? no. but, for the record, i’d wouldn’t smack that kid. now if it was a kitten….(EDITORS NOTE: smacking kittens is not condoned by this website and is soley the opinion of one Johnny Townsend. if you wish to complain to him about his smacking of kittens, then you have no life and waste it by getting upset over small stupid jokes and should really look into getting a hobby).

A guy who takes away a young girls….um…innocence. this one has yet to be done and i still may try my best to get out of it. if something makes me uncomfortable, then you must know that its bad. lets just say that i meet this girl at a party and take her to the side and take away her barbie doll. and by barbie doll i mean virginity. yeah…..see. awkwarddddd. lets hope i can get out of this one. the story and the point of the skit is really good. i just think they should get someone closer to the girls age then me, who, by age number wise, is considered in some circles an adult (i said age wise not maturity wise).

so, with those roles and others i have left out, let me tell you the upcoming roles i have been offered. keep in mind this is just my idea of the direction the roles i get are heading, and not where they have gone.

1. hitler. let’s face it. apparently i’d make a good hitler. is it because of my ability to wear a fake mustache? or how i can bark and it almost sound german? or perhaps its my undying bitterness toward jews (i sure hope you know a joke when you see one). would i make a good hitler? yes, im a friggin talented actor. but should i be hitler? hmmm……this is something i must concentrate on. if only there was a camp where i could go that would help me learn to concentrate more…..

2. serial killer. why not. tho i would like to play one who only kills those whose death would make society a better place. people such as the members of nickelback (for ruining rock and destroying their potential), celine dion (obviously), paris hilton and the entire state of utah (only because some men there have many wives and i can’t even get one date; aka pure jealousy).

3. a guy who steps on puppies. this could be my most challenging role. i happen to like puppies. would i step on one? have i already? whats that under my shoe? …..

4. a guy who surfers from narcolepsy. it could be the most chal

5. the state of california. i can play a whole state full of whiny rich people who complain when they don’t get their way. think of the possibilities. and people will listen cause im in movies! they’ll eat out of the palm of my hands!!! ill even try my best to make the star of Total Recall the next president of the united states!!!

there you have it. those are just some of the roles that are probably in my future. maybe i can be the most best badguy role person ever! keep your fingers crossed and maybe ill get to be in the sequel to pearl harbor, as the guy who shot ben affleck! no wait, that would make me a hero…