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***this journal was found in a pile of snow around the north pole. No one knows who it belongs to or what year it took place****
Well I knew this day was coming. How hectic! You can’t walk two feet without stepping on a toy or tripping over a stocking. Even though I have become tired of being in the same department for well over 200 years, I know it must be done. So many small children are dependent on us and we are a team. We only have less then a month of time to prepare! I just heard the bell, my breaks over. Back to work!
It seems like our work is paying off. In the earlier times, we had to make every single toy ourselves. But now we can send out people to stores and find some toys for us. Thankfully the boss man must have deep pockets. I wonder where he gets all that money for this stuff? I saw him just an hour ago. He has already starting to become plump. Soon he will look like his jolly old self again. I love working here since morale always seems high. I do not despise anyone who works here. Though I do tend to try to avoid this one fellow. I can’t recall his name but what I do recall is what he wants to do. He wants to be a dentist. Can you believe that? Only on the north pole huh? Well I better get back on that line!
Things are not looking so bright. It feels like we are far behind schedule. And to make matters worse, the new reindeer do not seem to be working out. I have seen a few of them. They can’t even fly yet. The reindeer we have now won’t be able to fly forever. Comet the other day was telling me how his arthritis kept acting up. Anyways, I did see one odd deer. He seemed to have this red flashlight connected to his nose. How strange. And annoying may I add for every time his nose blinked it also made a noise. There is no chance he will be used. Perhaps the boss man can give him away to some petting zoo. On a side note, the elf wannabe dentist has not been seen. I heard rumors that he was fired. And right before the holidays too.
I was out today looking for a Christmas tree for my cottage. All the good ones near the town must have been cut down since I had to venture out far. While I was searching, I heard voices. So I hid behind a log that was close by. I peeked up and what did I see? That red nosed reindeer and the wish he was a dentist guy, talking about how they felt out of place and not wanted. Man, cry me a handful why don’t you? Here, ill play the worlds smallest violin. Pansies. I decided I would follow them, just to see what they were up to.
The duo I have been following were joined by a third party. Some human male sporting a huge beard. Looks like some sort of lumber jack. He had a sleigh and a handful of dogs of which he would whip without mercy. If that had been Blitzen he would of snorted in the guys face! So what an unlikely trio of misfits together there. I think ill follow them just a little more.
I have lost them. A big snow came and blinded me. I am now stuck out in the middle of nowhere, with only snow to be seen from all around. I am cold and hungry. And just when I thought things could not get any more worse, I keep hearing some sort of roaring. I have heard tales from the elder elves of a huge snow monster that lives up around here. It is always angry and mean and has a heart as cold as an iceburg. I am now currently hid in a small cave I found with only a small dying fire to keep me warm…
I was awaken by a familiar sound. I sprang up and looked. I was right! It was that same reindeer! The one with the glowing nose! I was about to call to him when I looked up and saw the snow monster! It clubbed that poor reindeer right in front of me and drug him away to his cave, to which I followed. I was trembling from being cold and from being scared. Just as I was about to either run inside to be a hero or to stay here and pee in my last good pair of pants, I witnessed the lumberjack and the dentist elf save everyone. In fact, the dentist elf could be a dentist, for he took out that monsters teeth with no problem. I jumped for joy at this small victory from a rag tag team of misfits. But alas, it seems there can never be complete days of joy anymore. I saw the monster get up and chase the poor lumberjack off the cliff, dogs and all. All the reindeer there at the cave were saddened deeply and began their slow and depressing walk back home.
I followed them all since they seemed to know where they were going. As soon as we got to a place I recognized, I sneaked up ahead and ran to the office. I walked in to a discouraging sight. Everyone seemed so down. I asked Ralph what was going on. He told me that since it was so foggy outside, there was no way the big boss man could deliver presents. I looked upon the boss man’s face and could see where tears had been. Just then, the misfits came through the door. The red nosed reindeer, the dentist elf and the others. We decided to try to cheer everyone up by putting up the Christmas tree. that’s when a knock came at the door. It turned out to be the snow monster AND the lumberjack! Apparently, the snow monster had been struck with a cavity for over 100 years and that was why he was so cranky. The dentist wannabe had come through! (side note: the snow monster’s real name is Kevin. He is actually quite nice and is now living in the basement in my apartment. He is always on time with rent.) Kevin could also be handy, for he could reach places we short people could not. In fact, he was the one who put the star on the tree!
If only the day ended in that joy. The problem of fog was still there. The boss man was trying to give us a speech about how next year would be better when that pesky reindeer with the red light nose kept making noises and blinding everyone. That’s when it came to me. We could still deliver toys with that reindeer leading the way! Why, he had a built in fog light! We all rushed and filled the sleigh and got all the reindeer in their positions. Soon they were off, and I could look up and see that red light in the sky. What an adventurous month I have had.
Rudolph is a prima donna. He has become some sort of celebrity and there for feels that the rules do not apply to him. He’s nothing but a jerk and I hate him. We got into an argument over who was prettier, him or Jessica Alba. This argument grew till it was apparent that we could not work together. We decided that I should be the one to leave (by we I mean the boss and Rudolph). That’s right, ive been fired!! Well up theirs!!! I don’t need this stupid job!!! And why am I still writing in this stupid journal!!!
Well it tis the season. The season where families come together for fun and the exchanging of gifts before they don’t have to see each other for another year. As Christmas comes ever so closer, some things have finally bothered me enough to write about them. So without further ado, here are the things that are annoying me this Christmas.
1. It’s CHRISTmas not xmas or seasons greetings.
At first I thought it was being called xmas to take Christ out of it. Now I think it’s just going along with the new lazy generation that would rather spell things in abbreviations. I would never be like that LOL. How can people be offended by someone telling them merry Christmas? If someone told me happy Kwanza I wouldn’t get angry. And if the jews wished me a great day as they played with their spinning top I still would not become offended. The fact of the matter is this. Even if you do not believe in Christ, the reason the day is celebrated is because of Him. There would be no day if it was not for people believing in His amazement. It would be like us saying that we’ll celebrate martin luther king jr’s day, but we’ll call it the non racial day of harmony day and completely ignore why it’s a holiday.
2. Santa Clause says HO HO HO
Some people want to ban Santa Clause from saying his most famous of sayings. The reason? It is offensive to the street ladies. First off, they’re street ladies. Being called that by a fat guy in a red suit isn’t what offends them. Not being paid while being called that does. Santa has said that phrase long before those women with rough edges have been called that. How can Santa not say that? That would be like making Steve Urkel go without saying “did I do that”. it’s just wrong and inhumane.
3. Santa Clause does not promote obesity.
A guy (im guessing from California since he’s a hippie of some sorts) says that he plays santa clause but refuses to put a pillow under his suit for the gut, claiming that the jolly saint nick promotes obesity. Please someone get a pack of oreos and smash them against this guys face. I have never ever heard a child say “when I grow up, I want to be overweight and put on a red suit.” name one child that has life long dreams of becoming the next Santa Clause. If anyone promotes obesity it is us. What do we do in preparation of Santa? We put out cookies and milk.
The bottom line is that santa looks how he looks. So what if he’s pudgy and possibly diabetic. The dude wears red and hangs out with midgets who spend their time making toys. If he wants to fill out his suit then he can.
Im sorry, but when it takes me fifteen minutes to get through one red light then im angered. I shook my fist as loud as I could!
5. Memorizing lines is overrated..
There, I said it.
6. Movies that are only released in select theaters.
Im aware that this isn’t really holiday related, but it gets really old to not be able to see Juno just cause your theaters are to friggin lazy to carry it. BLAST YOU THEATERS!!! I am forced time and time again to wait for a movie to go to dvd.
7. Santa Clause is creepy.
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes.
I rest my case…
8. Having to watch Garfield Christmas on dvd.
this one hurt me more then ever…Put it back on tv! it’s just as special as rudolph and his stupid nose!
Those are just some of the things that have annoyed me this month in preparation of Christmas. I hope you all have a great holiday and a great Christmas!