Hello ladies and gentleman. I, Johnny, would like to take this moment to officially throw in my name for president. That’s right. I want to run for the President of the United States. Why should you vote for me? What can I do for you? I’m glad you asked. I’m going to tell you in these next blog installments!

I, Johnny, promise to you all that when I become president, there will be free drinks in every drink machine! That’s sodas for everyone!!!

I, Johnny, promise you that if you elect me president, then women will no longer feel pain in child birth! That’s right. I promise you that if you have a child ladies, you won’t feel a thing. And this is without drugs. WITHOUT any kind of drug.

If you elect me president, I promise you that I will make it so that everyone is able to get a gun AND that bullets will no longer kill people. You will be able to shoot all you want. Also, knives will tickle.

I also promise that if you elect me president I shall raise minimum wage to 27.55 an hour.

If you, the beautiful people of the United States of America choose to elect me president, I promise to you all that I will make everyone immortal. That’s right. I will make it so that no one dies.

Also, elect me president and I promise you that I will make sure that Wendys, Mcdonalds, Burger King and Taco Bell will all expand their value menus.

That’s all I am going to tell you for now. Before I leave you, take a look at this chart below. It will tell you how happy the country is now and how happy the country will be after I am president.

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