We were all standing around after playing almost two hours of basketball. This is the time when we talk. We bring up all different topics until eventually the topic of politics comes up. Then the ultimate question…who will you vote for?

I dread this question. Why? Cause it’s a no win situation. It’s definitely a no win situation when the people you are in discussion with are people who you actually care how they see you. If I answer one way will I disappoint Russ? If I answer another way will Trevor look down upon me like I should be cleaning seal poo at the zoo? Below I will list each option and the probable outcome of each.

1. I will vote for Hillary Clinton.

While I would never say this since I have morals, what if I were to? Clinton and Obama have been tearing each other new bung holes in the past recent weeks, which in turn has really took a bite out of their support. In this part of North Carolina, the Clinton name is not all that popular. It would be like someone saying that they’re gay and getting married to their long time college roommate. Voting for Hillary down here would be the equivalent of you saying that you are now Jewish. Frowned upon here in the Bible Belt.

If I say I will vote for her..

I will be flogged. There is a possibility that I will be hunted by a lynch mob and then hung, becoming the first Caucasian here in these parts to have that done upon them. I would also hate myself for I can’t stand her.

If I say I won’t vote for her..

Will I not vote for her simply because she’s a woman? No. It’s simply because she comes off as so fake and manufactured. When someone points out she doesn’t really show emotion, what does she do the very next time? She laughs creepily. She cries. She yells. She claims to have single handily dodged bullets. But that doesn’t change the fact that just because I’m a man and say I won’t vote for Hillary then I am automatically a sexist.  That makes perfect sense doesn’t it?  A very rational conclussion.

2. I will vote for Barack Obama.

At one point in time I had considered this possibility. There is no denying that he has the ability to speak. This may sound simple, but having that ability goes a long way when it comes to politics. You can fool many people if you just have that ability. Even if you dislike the man, you have to admit that. The media too has obviously chosen him already.

If I say I will vote for him…

Then I will be questioned. What am I doing? I live in this part of north carolina I can’t vote for him! Why is that? Cause he’s black? No no. much worse. He’s a democrat. In western north carolina, voting democrat is simply not allowed. If you do vote democrat, then you’re obviously some form of hippie or gay rights activist. Or you’re from Asheville. Whichever. If I vote for him then I am crazy. Did I not hear what all that one guy from his church said? How can I vote for him when that guy is in his camp? Does it matter that this crazy guy isn’t actually Obama? No of course not. It’s all about the company you keep.

If I say I won’t vote for him…

Then I am a racist. When did everything become so black and white? Why is it if I do something or don’t do something then it’s automatically assumed that I am things? I’m a white man living in the south so if I don’t vote for the partially black guy then I am racist. Well you know what? I think Obama is a racist since he didn’t vote for me. There I said it.

3. I will vote for McCain.

I will be honest here. I have liked McCain since he was on The Daily Show and showed that he has a sense of humor. I don’t know if you all know this, but having a sense of humor is incredibly important to me. Is that something I should base a decision on? Probably not. But to each their own I say! If someone is going to push this country even more down the hole then it had better be someone who can make a joke about it (exactly why I should be put in office).

If I say I will vote for him…

Then what am I thinking? He is pretty much a democrat under the republican name! he was in Vietnam you know. He was captured you know. Well if he picks Hucklebee as a running mate then that will be good. Maybe it’ll be ok to vote for him then. It still astounds me that you have to be either this or that. Why can’t you take some from both? Why can’t I agree on some things the republicans say and some things the democrats say? I’m sorry but if I say I’m a republican and then are forced to agree with everything the republicans say solely because I say I’m a republican then forget it. Same with saying I’m a democrat.

If I say I won’t vote for him…

What are you doing Johnny? He’s the only republican you MUST vote for him! Besides he could die in office he’s like in his mid 100s. You know if you don’t vote republican then you’re mom will hate you.

4. I won’t vote.

I have said this many times. The reason being if I don’t vote then I’m not to blame when someone in office screws up. Or because no one is worth putting my vote for. As an american, voting is a right we have. A RIGHT. People say it is a privilege. This is true. It is. We are very lucky that in this country we have a say in who runs it. But if I say I’m not going to vote? Oh wow talk about angering people. Here are some things I have heard from different people when I say this..

“You can’t say anything then with whoever is in office since you didn’t vote.”

“it is your right so you HAVE to vote.”

“you’re not voting? What are you a commie?”

When something is your right, that means that you have the right to either do it or not do it. If you choose not to do it, then that’s your right. When something is your right, that DOES NOT mean that you MUST do it. It is your RIGHT. I have the RIGHT to say I’m not going to vote. People died to give me that right. They gave me that freedom. How is it freedom if I have to do something? You know why I don’t have to do something? Cause I live in America.

So what does all this mean? Will I vote this year? If I do who will I vote for? I haven’t come up with answers to any of those questions. I am still thinking about those things myself. It’s just hard when it’s something that people are really passionate about. It’s hard to say your thoughts and opinions on those subjects when the people around you are people you care if they like you or not. So if you see me around and decide to engage me in a political discussion, be prepared for a plethora of jokes. Why? Cause if I consider you a friend then I’m not going to say one way or another.

And here is the moment of truth. The moment everyone has been waiting for. Just who will I be voting for? Look below to see!


 thats right i’m voting for me.  Just like you should. 

until next time peeps….