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I was having trouble trying to decide on what to write about. I was having bloggers block if you will. Then I woke up this morning with the news on my radio. There were three things that really grabbed my attention. Thanks to the sad state of the world for these things that nudged me enough to write about.

1. Roger Clemmons apparently had an affair with Mindy McCready. First off, I had no idea who that woman is or was, but apparently she was a country music star. I say apparently since I refuse to accept any country music person as a star. This affair allegedly started when she was 15 years old. Keep in mind none of this has been proven. With that being said, if this is true, then the main thing we should be upset about is the fact that Roger Clemmons, when he was 28 now, had an affair with a 15 year old. This angered me at first. But what really got me was the reporting on this situation and everyone saying how bad this is for his reputation. Guess what? It should be. If you’re a 28 year old guy and you just have to have some 15 year old then you deserve for your reputation to suffer. Take some more steroids so your hide grows thicker.

 

2. Miley Cyrus has some pictures coming out that are causing an uproar. She is also just 15 years old. She was being photographed for Vanity Affair. It’s a magazine that is suppose to be about art, which I had no idea that art is just another word for inappropriate smut. It’s not even good smut. This gives smut a bad name. There are a lot of people who should be ashamed of themselves. Miley Cyrus herself has already apologized for the photos. But what about the adults? Why haven’t I heard of her manager apologizing? Why haven’t I heard her parents apologizing? Why hasn’t the photographer apologized? How can you possibly think that having a 15 year old take her top off and take pictures of her with just a blanket is a good idea?

One of the arguments is that Vanity Affair is art. I fail to see how this is art. Leonardo da Vinci made art. The Beatles made art. Kiddie soft core porn is not art. This is proof of our society’s sad state of affairs. How did no one involved not know that these photos were unacceptable? I would think that once someone asked a 15 year old to remove their clothes that they would of stood up and said something.

But guess what? This did exactly what Vanity Affair wanted it to do. They are in the business to sale magazines. Guess what? This issue will sale. Controversy sales. It makes people tune in. It makes people buy magazines. It’s why the news has become a joke and is now nothing but entertainment and bad stories. Humanity itself is crumbling away. Morals have slowly decayed. Aerosmith has not retired.

3. Josh Howard, a NBA basketball player for the Dallas Mavericks, said on a radio station that everyone in the NBA smokes pot. Way to make the league look great and top notch there Josh. There is already this stereotyping of professional basketball players and you have done nothing to change this perception. Do all basketball players have 20 kids with different moms? Do all basketball players carry guns? The NBA gets a really bad rap sometimes. I know it has earned some of it, but if you look at the overall products of all our major league sports, you would see that the NFL has just as many problematic players. I can’t for the life of me understand how football is held in such a higher regard then basketball. Guess it’ll never make sense to me. And Josh, perhaps if you’d quit puffing that magic dragon you’d be playing better then you are right now in your playoff series with the Hornets.

4. Last, on a slightly lighter but none the less anger inducing note, I heard a list of the top ten most influential and best tv shows of all time. I can’t remember the list off the top of my head, but I do remember some shows that were not included. So, in an effort to make you people realize that there is still good television out there, perhaps better now than ever, I will list some shows that you must see. Shows that will no doubt hold a place in the next time a top list of television shows comes out. Then I will give you a list of some that should not exist.

 

1. Lost

If you do not watch this show, then you really hate everything that’s awesome. Never has a show with so many characters been so captivating. Will Kate end up with Sawyer? What’s up with the smoke monster? How come that statue had four toes and hasn’t been mentioned sense? One of the best shows made. How do I know? I watch it, and I’m an expert.

2. The Office (American)

I have not seen the original brittish version that this series is based on, but I have heard some amazing things. The American version of the office however is superb. The most real comedy out there. The only show that utilizes awkwardness for the comedy that it holds. Every episode has something you want to quote. You can never ever go wrong with Steve Carrell. Also, can you really deny Dwight’s beets? I think not.

 

3. X-Files

The first show that really made me feel like I could never miss it. The acting wasn’t the greatest at the first, but you could really get into these stories. A show that has spawned a lot of other shows and for good reason. Don’t worry, there’s a movie coming soon. The truth is out there.

 

4. The Simpsons

One of the longest running shows ever on television. The show that made it possible for there to be a cartoon that was geared for older people. The show that made you think the main lead character was incredibly dumb but actually quite caring and loving and always meant well. D’oh is in the dictionary now. That’s how important this show is.

 

5. Futurama

The other show by Matt Groening. This one is thankfully being brought back. Also animated, it’s jokes were perhaps even more sharp and smarter then the Simpsons.

6. South Park

Another great animated show. This show is probably more known for it’s vulgar which is unfortunate. One of the smartest shows on television today. Who else has the meatballs to go after scientology?

 

7. Boy Meets World

Sorry, I couldn’t help this. I loved this show when I was younger. Plus Topanga was smoking.

 

8. Arrested Development

A show that was ended way before it’s time. I’m just glad that there’s apparently a movie in the works and that some of the people in the show are starting to have good careers (Michael Cera I’m looking at you).

 

Honarable Mention: Supernatural

This show can really thank the X-Files for it’s existence. Every episode seems like a really well made suspenseful horror movie.

 

 

And now the moment you’ve been waiting for. The shows that are so terrible I have no idea how they are on television.

1. Anything on MTV. There is nothing on this channel that oozes anything resembling decent. You can’t even catch a music video on there, and when you finally do, it’s of some crunk rap video. How much more Real World 56 and Spoiled Highschool Girls can we consume?

 

2. Dancing with the Stars. Let’s be real first off. These aren’t really stars. This should be titled “Dancing with B and C List Celebrities.” Why is watching these people dance good? I dunno, I don’t understand it.

3. Oprah, Dr. Phil, Maury Povich, etc.

I never understood how these shows get so big. How exactly did that afternoon television talk show make Oprah that rich? Seriously I don’t know. If those people can get daytime shows, then I’m next in line. It can’t be that hard to tell someone who the real daddy is or to take the blame for every situation.

 

 

I realize this is a lot to read in today’s blog. That’s why I included a lot of pictures. I hate reading when I don’t have to too. This is to tide you off till I can get ready my next major idea for this blog. Don’t forget to comment on some shows you think I should of included and why. Be prepared for me to rip it apart if I feel it stupid. And I highly value my own opinion.

 *all the photos were from www.amazon.com

I am sure everyone is anticipating to find out what exactly was the prize I had won off of the radio for my comedic abilities. I drove an hour to pick up this prize (since the station refused to mail it) to pick up what I had earned. I found out when I got there that I had drove an hour to pick up an Avril Lavigne cd. This past few months have not been the best. So I guess God saw it fit to punish me once more with this prize. It’s like I have always said. Life kicks you, punches you, pees on you and smacks you. And just when you think life cannot do anything else as bad as that life hands you an Avril Lavigne cd. Do you believe me to be over reacting? Here, let me show you an actual lyric from her album.

“I hate it when a guy doesn’t understand
Why a certain time of month I don’t wanna hold his hand”

And of course this amazingly wrote gem

“I wanna lock you up in my closet when no one’s around
I wanna put your hand in my pocket because you’re allowed”

And it’s not only that her lyrics are horrendous. It’s that in the lyrics I noticed that she wants to come off as “punk” so she curses. And these curses seem as fake as her talent. How can she write this and be famous? Us as consumers should be ashamed of ourselves. ASHAMED!

I read some of these lyrics and literally could feel my soul trying to escape through my mouth. Anything to get away from it. 

On the bright side, I did also get a cool Matt and Ramona (radio show that I listen to) air freshener and some things my mom enjoyed. What did I do to deserve this? Jesus must feel I need to be punished severely.

In closing, do you want to know how I know life sucks? Cause even when you win, when you finally win something, when you finally have a victory over life, you’re given an Avril Lavigne cd.

This is what hell is. 

 

so if anyone wants a cd…..

Let me start off by saying that my comedic genius knows no bounds. I sent in three jokes to the Candy and Potter show on 107.9 the Link (radio station) for a game they play where you fill in the jokes. All three of mine were read on the air. That’s right. The radio is now recognizing that I am comedy gold. To top it off, I received a call from the station today telling me that I had won the prize. What is it? Heck if I know. Probably some stickers or something. That is not the point. The point is that comedy is my mistress (which is good since no actual woman wants to do anything with me at all that remotely resembles a date). I took comedy to the prom and danced with it. I married comedy and now comedy is pregnant with little half comedy half Johnny babies.

So in this spirit of good joy, I decided that I would focus on the things I am good at instead of the things I am not. Please, hold your applause.

1. Comedy. This is a given. Heck I won a prize. Why am I this funny? Was it cause I was so awkward growing up? Was it so people would like me and not pick on me? Was it to make up for my rugged horrendous appearance? Yes to all.

2. Writing. Writing is a passion of mine. While I’m writing I get into this trance of seduction. I hope that writing will take me on a date and then take me home and walk me to my front door and go in for the sweet goodnight kiss. Am I the best writer ever? No. Am I even remotely talented? No. am I getting tired of asking and answering my own questions? No.

3. Hmmm. I really should of thought this out more. I figured I could think of more than two things…. And really some people don’t find me that humorous. Or that great of a writer. Or a human being.

*the author realizes that this blog post may come off as a plea for pity. The author wishes to inform you that this is indeed the case. The author knows that he would not even be in this sad state of his life if it weren’t for sweet justified pity. The author wants to take this moment to thank pity, for without pity the author recognizes that he never would of even have had the girlfriends he has had, no matter how small that number might be.*

Well there you have it I guess. I figured I would leave you with another actual picture of myself so you can see the passion I have when it comes to comedy. You will be able to see this passion. You will be able to witness that passion in my veins! This is the face of passion!

 

 

 

Recently in the news, Youtube has come under fire. Why you ask? Because of a video that some girls posted that showed them beating up another girl over something on myspace. People were saying how Youtube should not have let that video be posted. While I agree that it was a terrible video, I do not agree that it should have been took off. Why is outrage always so misplaced? These six girls beat up one girl, and people want to be angry at Youtube instead of the people responsible. Ridiculous. But that isn’t even what this rant is about.

This rant is about how completely stupid kids have become. Why in the friggin world do you videotape a crime and THEN post it for the world to see? How stupid are you? We should be more concerned about the stupidity in our children then anything. We need more classes on common sense.

And why are we mad at Youtube? They provided the proof. There is no way these people responsible can say they aren’t responsible. It’s there. The whole world saw it. You know how much easier the OJ case would have been if he had taped it and put it on the internet? By the way, I still claim that the best thing OJ ever did was play in the Naked Gun movies. Why don’t they make a good stupid comedy like that anymore?

So this is just a short post. Why are kids so stupid? It pains me to admit that it could be due to the public schools. Come on public school system, help me to take up for you again.

On a side note, let’s stop blaming other things when kids do these things. We blame video games, internet, music, radio etc when we should be blaming ourselves. It is our fault. We raise these kids. A video game did not make a kid go and shoot up a school. The kid feeling like they had no escape and that was the only way is why. So let’s help out our youth. Let’s help them to be more mature. Let’s tell them that if they’re going to beat up someone with the odds 6 people to 1, to not videotape it. Friggin idiots.

One more side note: it saddens me that I feel I must put this just in case someone thinks I’m pro beat up kids. What these people done was terrible and outrageous. These kids were messed up to begin with, thinking that they were invincible. They should be put in jail. Maybe that will shut their little brat holes up. Also, let’s take MTV off the air, cause while I refuse to blame television for kids behaving badly, I will gladly throw MTV into the flame for it’s reality shows and My Sweet Sixteen, which is the devil. It makes me detest and hate rich kids.

Also, why is it when I ask for feedback (as in the last blog post) I get nothing? Lazy bums. I do this for you. I could charge you to read this genius but I don’t. The least you can do is to comment when I say to comment. Ya raggamuffins (I’m bringing that word back).

This may in deed be the shortest entry into this blog. I have decided that I miss a lot of things. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Arrested Development. Oh George Michael, you left us way to soon.

2. Aerosmith. Wait, that’s one I wish would leave.

3. Mel Gibson. Look Mellie, I know you might be a jew hater, but gosh darn it, I really enjoyed Signs.

4. Steve Carrell. I know he’s in movies, but they take to long to come out. My man crush grows on this man who is so talented I wish to become him. Or be adopted by him.

5. The Daily Show special reports. There are not enough of them.

6. America’s morals. Sorry, I had to include one thing slightly political.

7. British comedy. It just grows and grows more awesomely.

8. My golf game. Ok ok, I never actually had a golf game, but when I go to the golf course by golly I pretend.

9. Nicholas Cage’s acting ability. Oh ha ha ha. I keep forgetting he never had that.

10. Weekends. You wait all week for them to show up and then they only stay for two and a half days.

11. Girls telling me that there is a girl out there for me it’s just not apparently them. Hey wait a minute…I get this all the time.

12. Snakes. They have no legs yet still get around? That’s about as unnatural as MTV airing shows about teenage children who are unrealistically spoiled by their overly rich parents who let their teenagers run every aspect of their life and choose not to set boundaries so the kids come off as the rich snotty too good for everyone bast holes they really are.

13. The Far Side. Dang I love those cartoons.

And of course…

14.

 

 

Are there things you miss?  please i beg you to share.  Leave a comment! 

I know a thing or two about being single. How do I know anything? Try experience. I have been single for going on 45 years (and I’m only 25) so I know a thing or two. The thing is though, why did God have to make it so that even though you’re single and not married, that drive to want to rub naughty parts is prominent?

So as I am claiming myself to be an expert in this field, I thought I would take this chance to go over some thoughts and topics regarding this subject.

A. Sexual drive.

God created sex. Sounds weird to say that but He did. He created it that so when a man and a woman find each other and decide to spend their lives with each other, that they would have something they could both enjoy. A gift to each other.

That being said, what do you do if you’re a single christian person? I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this concept. What do I do? That drive is there. Ever present. They say the average male thinks about sex like what, every six seconds? Oops there I did it. That is just an incredible stat. Oops I just did it again. I can’t look at porn since I’ll feel guilty for being Christian (and I’m not catholic so there goes that excuse). I don’t even have anyone to hug. So why can’t God just sort of cut off the feed to that sexual drive and needs until I am fortunate enough to find some poor sucker of a woman to marry?

I know God created sex. It is suppose to be a beautiful and meaningful thing between two of His creations. But growing up in this day and age, there are so many things that make it so difficult to deal with. For example, I’ve had to hold back about 15 dumb middle school sexual jokes just in this writing already. Being a single young Christian person is insanely hard.

This drive that is installed in us can be overbearing. It’s part of our nature to need to be with someone else sexually. If it wasn’t, then there wouldn’t be any children. On the bright side of this, there would then be no Little Bow Wow.

B. The word “sex” being offensive

It’s as if everyone tip toes around this subject. I agree it is uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable when it’s brought up (mainly due to my lack of experience and because it depresses me that no ladies feel the need to feel me up). This is true in church especially. Being Christians sometimes hinders us. Sex is a part of life. It is necessary for the survival of species.

Recently we had a men’s retreat weekend at some mountain cabin resort. During this, we discussed many things, mainly the sexual battles men endure. This was a highly uncomfortable time for me. Was it because of the subject matter? Sort of. Mainly it was because I was the only single young guy there. It was almost as uncomfortable as that one time I thought a woman was pregnant (note to self, never assume). So yes it is an uncomfortable subject. But why? We talk about other things God has created.

C. Friends with benefits.

What a weird form or words to go together. Do these every work out? Judging by the television shows I watch the answer is no. At least one of the two people more then likely have feelings for the other. I cannot comment to much on this due to my ability to never be apart of this. Now if I was rich….wait that would imply that women think money makes a guy more attractive….oh wait…

*EDITORS NOTE: the author is very sensitive when it comes to women due to every one of his handful of relationships ending in a way that one would consider less than great. Also, he can be sort of a jerk sometimes. He doesn’t even pay me to edit. What a cheap skate. He once asked a waitress if she had a mirror in her pants cause he was in them. But I digress…”

There are a lot of questions we may have for God when it comes to being single and sex. What’s the point of having this want for sex if we shouldn’t use it till marriage? I dunno. I do think that sex isn’t such a bad thing. God made it. Does that mean we should go around and let people have sex right in town square? Of course not. That is offensive and let’s face it, we all know it’d end up being two ugly people (*EDITORS NOTE: the author just scratched a date off his planner).

So how do you deal if you’re the single Christian person? That’s a great question. You can go to a club since dancing is pretty much now sex with your clothes on. Or you can pray. Or when you have that urge you can look at a picture that will automatically shrink you’re funions. Did you know that if you are a guy and you just read this then you thought about sex at least 4526852 times. We all know women aren’t like that. They are much more lady like. Heck, women don’t even toot in public.

While I’m in church, I feel the obligation to make a conscience effort not to think about sex so I don’t let Jesus down. Why is that? Perhaps it’s because there are families there. While I completely agree sex is a subject to be talked about only when there are no young ears to hear it, I also believe it to be important to talk about when you’re single, in you’re 20s and did i mention single?

So why did I spend a whole blog on sex? Was it so I could put the word sex in the topics and watch the views for my site skyrocket? Yes. But it’s also because I believe it to be something important that is rarely talked about. Something that us young single people struggle with.

In conclusion, I decided to end this blog by helping everyone out. If you ever feel you are getting that urge but want it to go away, I have included a picture that will aid you. Just looking at this pic should make you think about things such as life, liberty, america, anything other than sex.

kermit-the-frog.jpg

Of course, that’s unless you’re into that sort of thing.  Which in that case that’s something for a different blog on a different site.