In the New York Post, it is reported that Lindsay Lohan’s mom will win an award for being a good mom. According to the New York Post, she is in line to win the top mom award by the Mingling Moms Association (http://www.nypost.com/seven/05062008/gossip/pagesix/who_knew__dina_a_top_mom_109664.htm).

I truly hope this is a joke. It might just be with a name like Mingling Mom’s Association. It was also in the gossip pages so there’s a chance. But if it’s not, I believe it is then a time for action. If it is true that Lindsay Lohan’s mom has won an award for being a good mother, then I might just believe that it is the time for the apocalypse. If you look in the book of Revelations I would almost bet it has something in there about this being one of the signs of the end of the world. How can you be voted a top mom when your daughter is pretty much a walking prostitute. Also, she can’t act. Her voice has decayed from the abuse of smoking and late night whore’ing. She goes to parties and is almost always the talk the next day for something she did. A fantastic role model for the girls growing up today. If you have a conversation with her, you can’t use any words that are bigger than five syllables. I recently got an exclusive interview with Lindsay’s mom, during which she talked about her daughter and how she feels about being honored for this reward.

ME: Hello Lindsay’s mom, thank you for taking the time to do this.

LM (Lindsay’s mom): oh you’re welcome cutie.

ME: so what kind of kid was Lindsay growing up?

LM: well as soon as she was born I knew she was special. I made a pledge that as soon as I could I would get her into some movies and ride her coat tails, making tons of money while ignoring every warning sign she may show that she’s slowly dying inside. And look at me now…paradise.

ME: what do you say to all those people who tell you about all the mistakes your daughter is making?

LM: (taking a long smoke) well darling, let’s not talk about her. Let’s talk about me. I’ve won an award you know.

ME: yes you did. How does this award make you feel?

LM: I am very honored that the mumbling mom award is being awarded to me. It makes me feel like all my hard work of being a pushy, overbearing and non caring mother have finally paid off. Now let’s stop with the talk, let’s get it on.

*she then jumped on me and attacked me. It took three men to get her off of me and there weren’t enough showers I could take that would get that feeling off of me..I still see her lunging at me in my nightmares…*

On a completely different note, I received a phone call from Bill Clinton himself. While I have never claimed to be a big fan of anyone with the last name Clinton, it was still cool that he would take the time out of his busy schedule to call me. He was so excited that he wouldn’t let me get a word in. He just kept going on and on about what his wife could do for me if I would just vote for her. While he did sound really tired and not really thrilled to have to call me, a white undecided voter, he still gave his best spill. I was touched. Not touched like an angel had come down from heaven and told me my life’s direction, not even touched like I was a 11 year old choir boy who the priest made swear to secrecy that they were just playing hide and go touch. But I was a little touched.

I also want to point out that I am being singled out for not being a minority. Because I am a white male aged 21-48 the politicians don’t feel the need to call me and beg for my vote. We are a deprived, ignored people. This is the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to one group of people ever. I don’t want to use the “R” word, but I do feel this is a bit…you know.. That word for not liking someone for their skin color or age…

That’s all for tonight. Tomorrow night an all new Lost is on, and I highly recommend you check it out. Looks to be a winner. Also a new episode of the Office. Check these shows out! Lost at 10 on ABC and The Office at 9 on NBC (eastern times). Over and out!

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