First off, let me say that I found something quite interesting the other day. WordPress allows you to see what people type into search engines when they find your site. Apparently someone typed in the words “funny sex quotes” and my blog site came up. If this doesn’t say that I have arrived, I don’t know what will.

In this post, I will answer the question that has been on everyone’s mind. If I were to train someone at a job, just how would I do that? Well fear not my faithful following. Today I shall answer that question.

SCENE: I am at a job. A new person is hired. I am told I must train that person. You will only read what I would say.

 

 

Hello. I’m Johnny. So I’m suppose to train you. Yeah, that’s ok. They don’t mind if you bring music and headphones. No, you can’t put them on right now….so where are you from? …. Oh really? I’ve been by there. Yeah just grab that chair and roll on over here….

I’m assuming you know how to use a computer right? I mean the only people who don’t know how to use a computer now a days are carnies and some forms of hobos…..ok good…..so just get on the computer here and show me what you know…….wait, wait. That’s ok that’s a rookie mistake….Look, I just told you that was wrong so I have no idea why you went and done the exact same thing again….We don’t get any breaks…..

You do know that you will never amount to anything right? ….. Yeah it’s ok to think you would at first, but after a while reality will sink in. …. Do you have a soul right now? …. Oh you do? Oh that won’t last very long. Hope you’ve enjoyed it…. You will stop believing in something too. It’s ok it’s normal. …. Your dad doesn’t love you. I know he says he does, but he doesn’t. He thinks your brother is a much better person. I mean, look at your brothers job. ….. Yeah click on that icon. ….

Did you bring your lunch? ….. Another rookie mistake. We don’t actually get to eat lunch here. We say we do, but really you have no time for eating….. You were adopted. ….. You’re actually from Canada. Just think, if you had stayed then you wouldn’t need this job just for the insurance. …. None of your friends like you either. They’re just your friends out of pity. It’s ok though, it’s the same reason why I have friends. Out of sheer pity.

Yeah you will have your own computer. Don’t worry. Sorry about the not showering thing. I just don’t have the time nor the will power. …. Just spray some of that air freshener spray…. Nah I’m not married…….. LONG PAUSE……. So……yeah you’re getting the hang of it. ….. No no NO NO NO! YOU STUPID PERSON YOU! I TOLD YOU TO NOT DO THAT! THAT THERE!!!! WHERE DID THEY FIND YOU??!!! A COMMUNITY COLLEGE????!!! YOUR MOM WOULD GIVE YOU AWAY TO SOME SMELLY HIPPIES IF SHE HAD A SECOND CHANCE!!!! THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE ADOPTED YOU!!!!…

 

 

Ok…I may have gone a little overboard there. I’m sorry. I apologize. Well, I hope you enjoyed your first day. It only goes up from here!!! Also, the toilets are broken so you’ll have to go outside. See ya around!!!

 

 

 

 

END SCENE

 

What a tragic tale huh? Well, that’s all for now.

SPECIAL MESSAGE: I am thinking about doing a special blog. A character study of myself. In doing so, I will need to research. So I will be asking people what they think when they think of me or what they tell someone who has never met me about me. So I may be asking you! If you wish to volunteer yourself, then please email me. I would like all kinds of people, including the people who have never actually met me but have talked to me through emails and such to people who see me everyday or at least once a week. Keep in mind that if you do help me with this, I will use your first name in the actual post. If you’re not cool with it, then let me know and I won’t use it. Also be aware that I will post what you actually say, but I will also be twisting it to suit my needs. Thank you.

EMAIL: johnnythemantownsend@yahoo.com

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