For some reason I feel the need to compare myself or the things I do to other people. It’s almost like this competitive streak I have inside me. Like Kobe Bryant (minus the rape charge and cocky attitude). I want something I do to be great. I want someone to read my writings on Johnnyism and just think that it’s the greatest and funniest thing they have ever read. Yet I will go and read someone else’s blog that writes humorous entries, and I will be set back by how funny it is, thus making my blog seem less so.

My best friend also has a blog. I knew that he was an incredibly talented writer. However, his last two posts were posts of poetry. Not only that, but they were amazing. So deep and meaningful. So many layers involved with them. This in turn made me go and read back over my other blog site where I too dabble in poetry. Sadly though, reading over my stuff after reading his was discouraging. I felt that it was just crap. It was like he was Star Wars Episodes IV, V, and VI while I was the episode of Star Wars with Jar Jar Binks in it. I am the Jar Jar Binks of poetry. I actually convinced myself that I could not hope to write anything resembling “good”. I told myself I wouldn’t really post anymore on that other site (author note: I haven’t actually) because it’s just going to blow.

I just can’t help but to compare myself to others. The problem is, I’m surrounded by insanely talented people. I am involved in a writer’s group that is about to start, and I am having serious second thoughts about it. Everyone in the group is immensely more talented than I. Joyce is an accomplished and professional writer. Heck, she’s even won awards for her historical novels. While she has been supportive of me and my aspirations of becoming a writer, I just can’t help but feel like I don’t have a chance to even come close to enjoying her type of success (a success that will only grow). She always makes sure to tell me that I do have something, but that it’s really hard to make it (she never actually told me what that something was, so I’m assuming it’s not talent). Another person in the group is Amy. I have read some of her stuff she writes and doesn’t post. I am still affected by how great she can be. I could never hope to write something that affects someone on that level. Then there is Sonya. Her blog is the stuff of blog legend. She was even contacted by Oprah. While I believe Oprah to be just as evil as Wal-Mart, it’s still saying a lot. I’d never be on Oprah because of my writing. I’d be more likely to be on Maury, trying to figure out if I’m the baby’s daddy or not. And of course Trevor will be there. My partner in crime. His talent is almost as big as his self doubt. And it’s only almost because he has a lot of self doubt.

See what I mean? I have nothing to bring to this meeting. Nothing in the form in poetry. Nothing in the form of something humorous. Nothing. I feel as defeated as the sport of hockey (just give it up NHL, you’ll never be popular). I constantly compare myself to other people. I have been told I could be a stand up comedian. While I don’t believe this because I have the memory of a senior citizen aged elephant with Alzheimer’s, I still feel the need to find out if I’m the funniest person someone knows. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not. I was really depressed when I found out in high school that I wasn’t going to be named class clown my senior year. The only thing that kept me from drinking a gallon of pepto bismol was that someone came up to me and told me I was huggable (thanks Josh).

I actually enjoy singing. Some say I can sing. Some say I should stick to making jokes about pregnant women and people of other races. Point is, of those people who think I can sing, I feel the need to constantly ask if they think I can. I know it gets annoying. Kind of like a kid that keeps asking you if they can open presents over and over again, so much so that you just want to punt them in the spine. When they do answer me and say “yes, you actually have a very nice singing voice.” I feel the urge to ask who I sound like. What singer from what band and so on and so forth. Which really is something we all do. When someone brings up a new band and asks if you have heard of them, one of the first questions you ask is what do they sound like. What other bands do they sound similar?

I know I am not the only one who constantly compares himself to those around him or to other people. This can be a great thing. It’s good to have things you like and to be influenced by them. Radiohead has influenced countless amazing bands. Steve Martin and Bill Cosby and Chris Rock have influenced countless stand up comedians. It’s only a bad thing when you let it kill your confidence. My confidence could have been at ground zero, pronounced dead at the scene if you will, if it weren’t for my small amount of over confidence in myself. So you know what? It’s ok to compare yourself to others. Hopefully it will inspire me, make me want to do something even more greater then I am. And hey, if that doesn’t work, I can always just stay here, entertaining you all with my poop jokes.

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