Today on yahoo, I saw a report on Eddie Murphy movies. The main point of the story was that even though his last ten or so movies have been critical duds, they have still done very well at the box office. That is until this past weekend. His last movie, “Meet Dave,” bombed. Not only did it bomb, but it bombed like it was London during World War II. So, in what I feel is a public service I am about to perform, I am going to share with you this open letter I wrote to Eddie Murphy himself.

 

 

Dear. Mr. Eddie Murphy,

Hello Mr. Murphy. My name is Johnny. I run a semi-below average in popularity blog known as Johnnyism. I’m sure you’ve maybe heard of it. I want to start off with saying how much I enjoy your work Mr. Murphy. You have glimpses of comedic genius. I could not picture anyone else doing the voice of donkey in the Shrek movies. But Mr. Murphy, it’s time to pull yourself together. Your last handful of movies have been..well…they’ve been worse than being forced to watch a full season of The OC. So for your benefit, I am going to list you a few reasons why your star has fallen so very far.

1. You insist on doing movies in which you play numerous characters.

At first this was sort of cool. It was rare. Heck, it was sort of comical. But then you did it again. And again. And again. I half expect that if I am ever invited to meet your family Mr. Murphy, then I would only meet you and you in eight different costumes. You have the ability to be funny without dressing up like a woman. Leave that for the British.

2. All your movies are “family” movies.

Most of your movies lately could be considered either family movies or movies geared toward teenagers. Anyone that tells me they enjoyed Norbit I automatically loose a touch of respect for. And it’s not you Mr. Murphy. I like you. I just don’t like the stuff you’re making this decade. You have so much talent and you waste it. If you’re going to do a family movie, do one that’s actually funny and smart. While I will admit to sort of liking Dr. Doolittle and Daddy Day Care, I don’t own those movies on DVD and I feel quite all right with that.

3. You seem to choose money over movie

I dunno if this is true, but to me it seems that you, Mr. Murphy, choose movies that will probably make you some money. But what happened to taking a chance? You have enough money now that you could afford to. You could be an amazing actor for all I know. But how would anyone know with the movie choices you are making. Look at Robin Williams. Sure he has done some over the top comedies. But he’s also done some stuff that shows he can act (see the movie “One Hour Photo”). Same with Jim Carrey. I know you have that in you Mr. Murphy. You can do good comedy. It doesn’t even have to be rated R comedy. You are powerful enough that you can make your own choices as to what movies you get involved with. So why Norbit and why Meet Dave?

 

So you see Mr. Murphy, I just worry about you. You have so much talent yet don’t use it. Please do not waste what was given to you.

 

So that was my letter to Eddie Murphy. I have faith in him. I know he can make a great movie. He has that ability.

 

Also today, President Bush lifted the executive ban on offshore oil drilling. This is a response to the rising gas prices. Don’t you love how presidents always seem to actually accomplish things in the last year of their presidency? Maybe we should change it to one year terms so things would get done. Now am I saying that by lifting this ban that it would solve everything? Oh no. But it’s a step. He has put the pressure on the democrats, who have yet to give a concrete answer on why congress won’t lift their own ban. Now, I rarely come out and write on here my own views on politics. That’s not my area of expertise. I’d just be giving you my opinion on things that you’d either agree or disagree with. With that being said, what would opening up drilling there hurt? I know the environmentalists are up in arms over it. Claiming that it will hurt the environment and coastal areas. There has never been a major disaster involving oil over water. Ever.

EDITORS NOTE: The author wishes you to overlook the Exxon Valdez incident.

So the real question is apparent. Are we willing to risk the lives of thousands of innocent penguins and fish to drill for oil so we can drive to Wendy’s to get a jr. bacon cheeseburger? The answers is yes. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love penguins. But if they come between me and my vanilla frosty, then I say put all those cute little butlers in peril. We must drill. For if we do not take every precaution necessary to ensure that we will always have gasoline, then there will come a day when there will be no more gas, and we will no longer be able to enjoy Wendy’s delicious new milkshakes.

So today you had it all. You had my plea to Eddie Murphy to start making better movies. And you had my very small report on the President opening the ban on drilling. Now for those of you who are fans of my ongoing series Getting To Know The States, do not fret. They will continue from time to time. Is there a state you wish for me to tackle next that I haven’t already? Let me know.

 

THIS BLOG WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WENDY’S. It’s waaaaay better than fast food.

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