Tennessee, the volunteer state. From the majestic mountains to the place where the white guy who made black music ok for teenagers to listen to died on the toilet.

 

WHERE THE NAME COME FROM

 

Tennessee’s name comes from the Cherokee Indians. It got it’s start when the chief of the Cherokee saw a beautiful white woman. He couldn’t think of what to say, so asked her if she was from Tennessee. When she denied the allegations, he replied that she was the only ten he saw. Thus not only did Tennessee get it’s name, the first pick up line was born.

 

CLIMATE

 

Like many of the other states near Tennessee, it has weather like a woman, it can never decide what to do. Am I right guys? Guys???

 

MAJOR TERRIBLE EVENTS

 

There was once this huge storm, but it sort of covered the whole area. Tennessee felt a little left out so it decided to join in and declare that it had really low temperatures during that time. Tennessee residents were forced to put on an extra blanket.

 

TOURIST ATTRACTIONS

 

-The Great Smokey Mountains. Come and see the beautiful mountains, stay to see the residents in the rural mountains see a book for the very first time.

-Dollywood. It took everything within me to not supply you with a Dolly Parton boob joke. I am trying to run a mature website here………but wow, how are those comfortable? It’s like she was stung and they became swollen…

-Graceland. This is where Elvis lived, ate, slept, ate some more, did a comeback schedule, then ate some more, then died. Many 45 to 55 year olds flock to this site to remember their good ole’ days of rebellion, when they went against their parents and wore skirts that went up to their knee caps and listened to that blasted devil music, otherwise known as Elvis and Buddy Holly.

 

HISTORY

 

-1780: West North Carolina and East North Carolina have an argument. West North Carolina got mad and went to it’s room, drawing a line in permanent marker that North Carolina cannot cross. Thus Tennessee was born. Tennessee and North Carolina still hang out sometimes, though their conversations are mainly filled with many awkward silences and some slight swearing.

-1838: The Cherokee Indians are uprooted. They are promised that if they go, they’ll get a new sharpened stick. Many Cherokee to this day have not received their sharpened stick, but many do not care since they are getting their jollies by watching the white man come to their casinos and push themselves ever closer to a divorce and suicide.

-1920: Tennessee became the 36th state to ratify the Amendment that gave women the right to vote. Causing many Tennessee residents to declare “Tennessee has women?”

 

PERCENTAGES

 

Whites: 65%

Off Whites: 20%

Guys hoping to be the next Brooks and Dunn: 43%

People who claim that “the volunteer state” is a good nickname: 33%

 

 

MAJOR CITIES

 

Memphis: The home of something….something has to be there…come on think…I really should of actually done research for this.

Nashville: Where country music lives and where your dog dies, your tractor breaks down, and you push all your friends away with your alcoholism.

 

EDUCATION

 

85% are able to read

19% think Garth Brooks should be President

 

FUN FACTS

 

 

-Tennessee doesn’t actually even exist. It’s a figment of your imagination.

-Tennessee is the only state in which you can never find a signal for your cell phone.

-Tennessee claims that even though it’s nickname is “The Volunteer State” that does not mean you can take advantage of it.

-Tennessee is actually a really big fan of the Johnnyism blog, and you aren’t going to let Tennessee be better than you now are you? ARE YOU???

-in a sworn statement at a Tennessee police department, Johnny signed a sworn affidavit claiming that he did indeed not actually know anything about the state of Tennessee and that he’s never even read a book before.

 

FAMOUS TENNESSEEIANS

 

Al Gore: tried to be president once, now spends his free time pretending to save the universe from a more tropical climate.

Morgan Freeman: Hi. My name is Morgan Freeman. I got a cool voice that reminds everyone of documentaries. I’m a better actor than Samuel L. Jackson. Without me, there would be no March of the Penguins.

Miley Cyrus: the fifteen year old with questionable judgment that your 11 year old daughter likes to imitate.

Elvis: The one man who single handedly went against the “man” by shaking his hips. Not only did he invent music, but he is credited with improving race relations. He actually freed the slaves. See Also: Eminem

If you turn this statue on it’s head, you can almost hear the ocean. 

 

This man is soley responsible for how great race relations are right now. 

 

3 out of 4 residents of Tennessee are involved in a country music band.  If you are not, you are considered scum and not allowed to vote. 

 

Some think that this is a photo of a football game.  Actually, it’s a photo of a riot at a Shania Twain concert.  It’s just a coincidence that there are people wearing orange football jerseys. 

 

This is what most people from Tennessee swear by.  Most residents swear that if this did not exist, then they would move.  Or probably just eat a different brand of ice cream.

 

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