In a new segment on Johnnyism, I will take your questions and offer my advice. It’s called Dear Johnny.


Dear Johnny,

I’ve been married to the love of my life for two months now. He recently told me that he thinks he may be gay, and that if he is then I am the cause. However, I feel like I can’t be angry with him since I have been having an affair with a balding older man who works at Office Depot. The man I’m having an affair with also just told me that he’s actually a really unattractive woman.

My husband constantly asks me if I still love him, since he believes the reason he hates himself is because he’s stuck with me. The man at the Office Depot treats me better and can better support me since he makes 8.50 an hour. My husband is currently unemployed but promises me that his band is going to make it.

I love my possibly gay husband, but I just don’t know what to do. Should I stay with him? Should I leave him and be with the Office Depot baldie? Please help.

In Love With a Bald or Gay Guy in Seattle.


Dear In Love With a Bald or Gay Guy in Seattle,

You have to do what is best for you. If your husband is gay then I suggest you not be with him, mainly because he’s attracted to the same sex as he.



Dear Johnny,

I’ve been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend “Dan” for about two years now. I am 40 years old and he is a llama. I love Dan but I’m not sure if he’s wanting to be in a more deeper relationship and promise ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. Every time I try to ask him he just spits in my face. To make matters worse, he recently confided in me that he’s been seeing a camel across town. I feel heartbroken and betrayed but I really love him. Should I leave him? I feel I’m too old to start over. Please help.

Llama Lover in Kansas.


Dear Llama Lover in Kansas,

For your sake you should get out of that relationship. So many women are emotionally destroyed when the llama they love stops loving them back. He obviously doesn’t respect you if he’s spitting in your face. Do yourself a favor and move on. There are plenty of llamas grazing in the field.



If you have any questions or advice you would like from me then please feel free to write.