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Christmas has come and gone. I realize I didn’t give anyone the real Christmas gift they asked for. That being, of course, a new blog post from me. Better late than never my friends.

First an update. A while back I posted a note about some new “media.” I have recently done a test run with it to see if it will work out and was pleased with the outcome. Hopefully soon I’ll get it done. The main problem is getting schedules together. I hope that if it’s ever done that you all will be pleased. And if you’re not, then you are most definitely a communist. And do you want to be known as a commie?

Now on with the blog. It’s been brought up to me that a lot of my posts include a lot of me being negative toward myself. I read over them and have to say I didn’t see it. But then again I don’t see anything ever. I just go through life never seeing anything…. Why am I breathing?

And now I’ll answer some people who have asked me my thoughts on different subjects. Everyone is wondering what I think about different things. Wonder no more!

Homosexuals: they’re gay.

Economy: I’m glad I never use it.

Xbox 360 vs. PS3: Xbox 360 wins due to the Xbox Live and better selection of better games. Also, I’m a nerd.


I’ll end this blog with a few reader emails.


Dear Johnny,

I really enjoy your blog. I mean really enjoy it. I am constantly checking it to see if there’s something new posted. I have never felt this away about anything ever before in my life. I even made a t shirt that has johnnyism on it. I like to wait to read it when it’s dark out so I feel more comfortable looking at it with my pants off, just picturing you reading your witty words to me.

Your biggest fan,



Dear Andrew,

I just spoke with the police and they say the restraining order against you still stands.



Dear Johnny,

How do you come up with all this massive amounts of humor? And why do you give it away for free? You’re a gold mine. You should be charging for this.

P.S. I find you oddly attractive, which is weird cause I found Shrek to be awfully hideous.




Dear Jennifer,

Thank you, I think…

All this incredible amounts of humor just comes from my brain. They have done studies on it to see exactly how it ticks. I’ll let you know the results at a later date.

And I give this away for free mainly because I can’t find anyone who wants to pay me for doing this. But rest assured once I do I’ll be selling out. I gots bills to pay.



Dear Johnny,

I just made a huge mistake. I was at my girlfriends house and things got hot and heavy. This morning she tells me she’s pregnant. What do I do?

Please help me.



Dear Steve,

You’re screwed. You can do the honorable thing and marry her and raise the child. Or you can kick her in the stomach, although society doesn’t look too kindly on that scenario.

(Johnnyism does not condone any sort of violence, especially toward pregnant women. If my mom had been kicked when I was in her womb then I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be reading this gem)


Lastly, I just wanted to point out that I really miss playing the super Nintendo Mario All Stars game. Sadly I don’t have a Super Nintendo nor the game so that may never happen. I realize again that talking about this is yet another reason why girls don’t find me attractive, but I felt the need to get this out there. Donations of Super Nintendos with Mario All Stars games are welcome.

Before I go, since this is the season of giving, I figured I would talk about a charity that everyone should donate money to. It’s the “Help Johnny Get A New HDTV” fund. Any and all donations are welcome to this as well. You will feel better once you give to this fund.

That’s all for now. Soon hopefully the new pod casts will be up. Over and out!

I was going to write something, but I forgot what I was going to write.

This past week scientist revealed that it was extremely difficult to tell if a polar bear is male or female. Since I am an expert on polar bears, I decided I would show you the sure fire ways that you can tell what sex a polar bear is.

If the polar bear holds you one minute, but the next minute they rip your spine out, then it is a female.

If the polar bear refuses to ask for directions, then it is a male.

If the polar bear constantly nags you, telling you every single thing that you’ve done is wrong, then it is a female.

If the polar bear is always telling you how it should of married Stan who turned out to be a doctor, then it is a female (or male if in California).

If the polar bear has the ability to ignore anyone but a television, then it is a male.

If the polar bear really thinks Sandra Bullock is a great actress, then it is a female.

If the polar bear believes U2 are overrated, then it is a male.

If the polar bear begging for commitment, then it’s a female.

If the polar bear has poor taste in music, then it is most likely female.

If the polar bear is constantly destroying your self esteem, then it is female.