We now have a new President. And by putting in office this new President, we made history. I watched the inauguration. What stood out the most to me? Was it Dick Cheney being wheeled around in a wheel chair like a cranky rich white guy who’s about to croak? Was it the fact that the Mrs. Obama looked like she let a blind Disney character dress her? Was it looking out over how big the crowd there was, wondering why in the heck would you go to it if you were going to be four miles back (just watch it on television or the computer)? No. What really struck me was Aretha Franklin.

I completely understand why you have Aretha Franklin sing at a ceremony that is putting into office the first African American president. But did anyone ever think to see if she could sing anymore? She is up in the age now. Her voice is close to gone. Here were a few of my thoughts I was thinking while she was attempting to murder a song.

* I wish I was there so I could chop her in the vocal chords.

*I would pay someone to walk up to her and punch her in the throat.

*If someone was to just drop a bomb on the ceremony, while it would be a terrible, terrible thing, the bright side would be that her singing would be over.

*The best thing about her performance is her hat, and it’s a terrible looking hat.

*I wonder if she is actually made up of a group of four midgets.

*She still tries to put soul into it, but the cold crisp of the air and the cold grip of a ever closer death have robbed her of that ability.

*If I don’t find a girlfriend soon, I may consider dating Aretha Franklin.

*I wonder if Aretha only dates black guys….

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