It was brought to my attention that my post last night on Aretha Franklin was borderline cruel.  I have decided to do a second version of that post.  This one being the politically correct version.  It is much nicer and more kid friendly.  Read this one if you don’t like cruel jokes.  Read the previous one if you have a sense of humor.  Read them both if you’re a true fan of my work


We now have a new President. And by putting in office this new President, we made history. I watched the inauguration. What stood out the most to me? Was it Dick Cheney being wheeled around in a wheel chair like a nice old man who’s about to play Parcheesi? Was it the fact that the Mrs. Obama looked like she let a very capable fashion designer dress her? Was it looking out over how big the crowd there was, wondering why in the heck would you go to it if you were going to be four miles back (just watch it on television or the computer)? No. What really struck me was Aretha Franklin.

I completely understand why you have Aretha Franklin sing at a ceremony that is putting into office the first African American president. But did anyone ever think to see if she could sing anymore? She is up in the age now. Her voice is close to gone. Here were a few of my thoughts I was thinking while she was attempting to sing a song.

* I wish I was there so I could hand her a dozen roses.

*I would pay someone to walk up to her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

*If someone was to just drop a pamphlet about world peace on the ceremony, while it would be a beautiful, beautiful thing, the sad part would be that her singing would be over.

*The best thing about her performance is her hat, and it’s an amazing looking hat.

*I wonder if she is actually made up of a lollipops, unicorns, and other sweets.

*She still puts soul into it, she is lovable and incredible. Music owes a lot to her. She has earned nothing but R.E.S.P.E.C.T. When she sings, it’s as if angels have dropped down from Heaven and are singing soothing choruses into my ear.

*If I don’t find a girlfriend soon, I could easily consider dating Aretha Franklin.

*I wonder if Aretha is available….