I’m a pretty tough guy.  How tough am I?  I’ve been alone for the past 14 years and have yet to kill myself.  But that’s not the only thing that proves my toughness.  I will now commence to list to you the things I know I could beat up. 

1.  A small kitten. 

He’s small and all he does is meow.  Plus let’s just go ahead and say he’s been abandoned, I don’t want to have to deal with his kitten family.  He’d meow at me, and I’d kick him in his furry face.  A small kitten doesn’t stand a chance.

 
2.  Fourteen seven-year-olds

I believe that I could take on fourteen kids who are of the age of seven and below.  My guess is that they will at one point try to surround me and jump on me at once.  This is when I commence to hold one in a head lock and tell another that their parents never loved them and that they’re the reason they don’t have a dad and their mom drinks every night till she can’t feel feelings.  Eventually, of course, the numbers game would come into play. 

 
3.  A 94 year-old paraplegic in a wheel chair.

What are they going to do?  Look at me?  I wouldn’t even have to lay a hand on them, just push their wheel chair outside so they have to hear the kids these days drive by playing their bump bump music.  Or I could punch them in the face.

 
4.  Charlie Brown and 6 other Peanuts characters.

Charlie Brown wouldn’t stand a chance.  For one, he can’t even kick a football, AND he goes to therapy.  Plus he kind of deserves a swift smack of justice to the face for that horrendous Christmas tree he found. 

 
5.  Chuck Norris.

Of course, I meant Chuck Norris fifteen years from now, banking on my theory that he will be dead and I won’t be.  Of course this could be thwarted if Chuck Norris defies logic and lives to be 275 years old, and I’m ended by my decision for just one more cheeseburger. 
So there you have it.  Those are the just some of the reasons why I’m a tough guy.  What’s that?  You want to challenge me?  WELL BRING IT!!! Wait, you say you took karate classes and have a black belt?   Oh…um…give me a sec would ya?  I just remembered I left something on somewhere that needs to be attended to at sometime..

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