You are currently browsing the monthly archive for December 2009.
Are you aware that it’s the end of the year? Well, never fear, dear readers, it’s time for your Johnnyism year end review!!! First, we’ll look back at the big stories of 2009, and then we’ll take a quick glance at the awards I won, as well as the gracious comments I received. So, without further ado, here are your 2009 top stories!!!
1. The Economy.
The economy decided it would test our will this year, being the lowest it had been since the 1930’s, which I believe was called The Great Lines For Bread. Many people were without jobs and many companies went under. Even electronic store giant Circuit City closed it’s doors for good. This prompted many to look mildly shocked as they continued their shopping at Best Buy.
2. Obama Presidency.
President Obama has accomplished so much this year, including winning the Nobel Peace Prize for stuff he might possibly accomplish. He also got the country unified behind an idea for universal healthcare, and by unified I mean completely split apart. But he did get a dog. That’s something, right?
3. Jon and Kate split.
Jon and Kate split up this year, prompting many people to shake their heads in disgust and secretly wish Jon end up with the Octo-Mom. TLC then decided to drop the show while they sort out this mess. Most were surprised to learn that TLC stood for “The Learning Channel” since the only thing you could have learned from that channel in the past year was that a white woman and an asian looking man couldn’t get along.
4. Kanye West interrupts Taylor Swift while she accepts award.
Kanye West shocked the world as he interrupted Taylor Swift as she accepted her award for best music video. Here’s what shocked me. 1. That they still did music videos (I could of sworn MTV had murdered those) 2. Kanye West felt he needed even more attention. 3. That while I didn’t know who Taylor Swift was, I admit to downloading and listening to her song “Love Story” at least fifteen times.
5. Chris Brown Beats Rihanna.
Chris Brown severely beats Rihanna while in a car. While I do not condone his actions, I understand why he did it. I mean, come on Rihanna! Can’t you just make your hair look like a normal woman’s hair? Chris Brown was also ashamed to find out that he might just have the most common name known to language.
6. David Letterman admits affair on air.
David Letterman went on his own show and admitted that he had been having an affair due to the fact that he was being black mailed by a man who had evidence to support just that. Letterman probably did the smartest thing he could do and admit it while using a few jokes. I feel this is the perfect time to let all you ladies know that I’m single.
7. Tiger Woods affair
Tiger Woods is reported to have had an affair with at least 4586228 white women. The African Americans didn’t really care based on the fact that they had disowned Tiger Woods years ago.
8. Susan Boyle becomes a star.
Susan Boyle became a sensation when a video appeared of her singing on a show. She then dropped an album that became an astonishing hit. Most who bought her cd could be heard saying “how does a voice like that come out of something that ugly?” This prompted many other ugly people to try to prove to all the beautiful people that they had talent too. This is why I’m trying to learn how to juggle.
9. Celebrity deaths.
Many celebrities died in 2009, including Michael Jackson. Now I could just fill this paragraph with Michael Jackson jokes, but I am better than that. I’m serious. I will not do it. Why are you still reading this sentence? Hoping for a Michael Jackson joke? Well forget it. My Michael Jackson jokes are as dead as he is. Wait does that count as a Michael Jackson joke? D*mn it!!
10. Swine Flu
The Swine flu spread like wildfire. While there is a vaccine for the swine flu, most are unaware that the best protection against the swine flu is to quit making out with pigs. But if you still insist on making out with pigs, please use protection.
11. The miracle on the Hudson
Pilot Chelsey Sullenberger successfully lands a plane in the Hudson waters after some birds destroy one of the engines. Sullenberger was then pushed to hero status. What most don’t point out, though, was his failure to have a less comical last name.
And now you the awards Johnnyism has won, along with the fantastic comments!!
*Nobel Peace Prize for the potential to be entertaining
*At Least You Tried ribbon
*First runner up in a humor writing contest (this is actually true)
Amazing comments (those who said the comments have not been revealed in order to protect their identity, also, I didn’t feel like looking them up, also, I made most of these up)
“I read this blog and I sort of chuckled.”
“You’re not funny.”
“You ***** you are **** and are worth **** you complete waste of ****ing space!”
“I hope you don’t get paid for this.”
“Who are you? I’ve never heard of you.”
“Johnny, this is your mom. It’s time for dinner.”
And those are just some of the great comments I received this year!! 2009 was either a great year or a terrible year. What’s in store for 2010? Who knows… But stay tuned to my upcoming 2010 predictions!!!