Recently it has become apparent to me that I must help save the human race.  There is a threat out there that will destroy us all.  I propose that we get to them before they get to us.  And they will get to us.  “What’s the threat?” you ask?  Kittens.  You heard me right.  Kittens.  And if we don’t brutally murder each and every last one of them then the human race will cease to exist and all hope will be lost. 

Now I’m aware that murdering kittens may not come across as “right” or “what humans do.”  But you see if we do not take out this menace then we will suffer the consequences.  I know you are asking yourself right now just what proof I have.  Fear not, dear reader, for I will expose myself for this cause and save the world under the threat of ridicule (EDITORS NOTE: Exposing himself is what also got the author banned from the states of Mississippi, Iowa, Oregon, and certain parts of Canada).  What I am about to say will shock you.  Kittens have been behind every major disaster in the history of mankind.  And I have proof. 

1. Hurricane Katrina

New Orleans is flooded when Hurricane Katrina struck.  New Orleans is built under sea level.  Who told people to build a city below sea level?  Kittens did.  And what are the first three letters of Katrina?  Kat.  Kat is how an infant spells cat when they are sounding it out.  A cat is an adult kitten.  Can this just be a coincidence?  I think not.

2. The Hindenburg Disaster

On May 6, 1937 The Hindenburg caught fire.  What did the Hindenburg do?  It flew.  What also flies?  Birds do.  Who hates birds?  Kittens.  Kittens became outraged when man decided it was going to fly like a bird instead of lick themselves like a kitten and set out to get revenge.  Kittens knew where to light a match on the Hindenburg and did so.  Still think kittens aren’t behind it all?

3.  JFK Assassination

When JFK was assassinated it was a major blow to America.  Many believe that Lee Harvey Oswald alone was responsible for the act.  This simply is not true.  Kittens are responsible.  How do I know?  President John F. Kennedy went by JFK.  JFK is three letters long.  Now take those three letters and multiply it by two.  You now have six letters.  What else has six letters?  Kitten!  It was right in front of our faces the whole time!

4.  John Lennon Killed

John Lennon was murdered by Mark David Chapman.  Or so it would seem.  The word “mark” is like “marking” a spot.  Kittens mark where they go pee.  Mark David Chapman is made up of 16 letters.  This obviously means that John Lennon was murdered by 16 kittens in a trench coat who pretended to want an autograph.  You can’t make this stuff up!  Don’t let the kittens get away with this!

5.  Nazi’s rise to power in Germany

Nazi has the letter “z” in it.  “Z” is only 15 letters away from the letter “k.”  “Kitten” starts with “k”.  It gets more odd from here folks.  The swastika, the symbol for the Nazi’s, has four “legs”  What else has four legs?  KITTENS!  Also, if you look closely at ANY photo of Adolf Hitler, you can clearly see that his mustache is actually just a kitten hanging from his nose and held on by duct tape.

You see folks?  It is the time for action.  I have reason to believe that not only will kittens rise up and surprise attack us, but that they are in cahoots with killer whales as well.  Let’s obliterate every kitten we see and make killer whales into “killed” whales.

This photo was taken at a kitten terrorist training facility. 

(editors note: This was all complete stupidity and is not in any way something that’s real.  The fact that I have to put up that this blog site is purely myself spitting out the stupidity I think of that makes me laugh and is in no shape or form something I think is actually real or fact proves that there are people out there who are stupid)