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It’s summer time and you know what that means. The summer movie blockbusters! Iron Man 2 has already came out with guns blazing. But there are many other big films coming out for the summer. Below are my reviews for them. Now I am aware that I haven’t seen them, and in most of the cases, the films aren’t even out yet. But actually seeing something for myself has never stopped me from forming an opinion on things, and I’ll be darned if it stops me now!
1. SEX AND THE CITY 2
The women are horrified to realize they are getting older. They try to escape death by running through the desert in high heels. Two of the women end up with a sexually transmitted disease and Sarah Jessica Parker discovers that her face is actually an old boot.
Movies based on popular comic strips are always a good idea. Isn’t that right Garfield? A family is dysfunctional and needs something to fill in that void in their lives. That’s where Marmaduke comes in. The wacky dog comes in and turns their lives upside down! And by turns their lives upside down, I mean Marmaduke murders the parents and makes the children go outside to use the bathroom.
Ashton Kutcher discovers that Britney Spears has surpassed him in followers on Twitter. He tries to kill her but Britney Spears defeats him by throwing a baby at him. P.S. follow me on Twitter. Follow Johnnyism. I am aware this is a shameless plug, and I’m ok with that.
4. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
The epic battle between the vampires and the badly CG’d dogs takes place! The vampires will try their darndest to attack the badly CG’d dogs with their mesmerizing good looks and the badly CG’d dogs will rip their throats out, thus bringing these series of movies to an end, thus saving all mankind from a fourth movie.
5. Step Up 3D
This will be the hit of the summer. There is no way that this movie fails. It takes one of those Step Up dance movies and puts it in three dimensions! Incredible! If this movie does not end up being better than the Dark Knight, then I will beat a German squirrel with my bare hands.