It’s America’s Birthday today.  The day that America was officially founded.  In this episode of my blog, I will celebrate America with some facts about it’s founding.  You’re welcome.

-George Washington’s teeth were false as the legend holds.  But they were actually made out of skulls of small kittens.

-America was discovered in 1974, when Tobey Maguire first landed here accidently when he was on his way to find a new passage to India.

-Benjamin Franklin not only invented many things, he also was an alcoholic.  And he did drugs.  He also was the father of many illegitimate children. 

-Fireworks were named after Lloyd B. Fireworks, who invented the colorful explosive while also blowing off his own left hand.

-George Washington liked to smack the buttocks of his soldiers during battle after they made a “good shot.”

-Benjamin Franklin invented Microsoft.

-John Adams, who would go on to become the second president, was against Thomas Jefferson writing any important document, stating that “John Hancock had much prettier handwriting and was easier to read.”

-The American Flag was actually created and sewn by a badger.

-America gained it’s independence from Brittain, defeating every one of their ninjas.

-George Washington only ever told one lie.  After chopping down a cherry tree, he told his father that he hadn’t done it, and then proceeded to blame it on George W. Bush.

-During many of the meetings of the Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin was often yelled at for “constant and excessive texting.”

Those are just some of the facts about the founding of America.  See what happens when you pay attention to history class?  Enjoy your holiday and be safe.  Over and out!

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