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Everyone knows that the NBA was amazing in the 90s.  I was lucky enough to grow up in the era in which not only had Michael Jordan, but also featured the Dream Team, Shawn Kemp, and the Charlotte Hornets.  Today we’re gonna dive deep into the real reasons as to why the 90s NBA was the greatest.  Starting with….Grandmama.

AAA

Larry Johnson was a powerful undersized forward for the Charlotte Hornets.  When he wasn’t playing basketball with someone roughly the size of your youngest child (Muggsy Bogues), he would spend his free time dressed up as an elderly woman.  It’s not my place to ask why nor is it my place to judge.  All I know is that when Grandmama stepped on the black top in an episode of Family Matters and played ball with a now somehow coordinated Steve Urkel my childhood was complete.  Not even Eddie Winslow could stop Grandmama!

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Space Jam

The year was 1996.  The world would never be the same after the great documentary “Space Jam” was released.  In this gritty little indie film, Michael Jordan is just minding his own business playing golf with Larry Bird and Peter Venkman when he’s pulled into a new world in which a rabbit and his friends are going to be forced into slavery.  Jordan not only saves their world, but he also saves the talents of Charles Barkley, Grandmama, Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing, and some tall white Mormon guy.  This film is vital to our history.

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Lil’ Penny

Penny Hardaway was another one of the players I loved as a child.  This guy could ball.  But what was even better than he was Lil Penny.  Lil Penny would be everywhere.  Some say he was just a doll.  But I like to think that he was a part of Penny Hardaway.  A very small part that loved to do commercials.

That’s all for today.  I’ve said this before, I know, but I hope to start to keep this blog up and going again.  It has been a few years since I had.  So stay tuned!

Christmas has come and gone. I realize I didn’t give anyone the real Christmas gift they asked for. That being, of course, a new blog post from me. Better late than never my friends.

First an update. A while back I posted a note about some new “media.” I have recently done a test run with it to see if it will work out and was pleased with the outcome. Hopefully soon I’ll get it done. The main problem is getting schedules together. I hope that if it’s ever done that you all will be pleased. And if you’re not, then you are most definitely a communist. And do you want to be known as a commie?

Now on with the blog. It’s been brought up to me that a lot of my posts include a lot of me being negative toward myself. I read over them and have to say I didn’t see it. But then again I don’t see anything ever. I just go through life never seeing anything…. Why am I breathing?

And now I’ll answer some people who have asked me my thoughts on different subjects. Everyone is wondering what I think about different things. Wonder no more!

Homosexuals: they’re gay.

Economy: I’m glad I never use it.

Xbox 360 vs. PS3: Xbox 360 wins due to the Xbox Live and better selection of better games. Also, I’m a nerd.

 

I’ll end this blog with a few reader emails.

 

Dear Johnny,

I really enjoy your blog. I mean really enjoy it. I am constantly checking it to see if there’s something new posted. I have never felt this away about anything ever before in my life. I even made a t shirt that has johnnyism on it. I like to wait to read it when it’s dark out so I feel more comfortable looking at it with my pants off, just picturing you reading your witty words to me.

Your biggest fan,

Andrew

 

Dear Andrew,

I just spoke with the police and they say the restraining order against you still stands.

 

 

Dear Johnny,

How do you come up with all this massive amounts of humor? And why do you give it away for free? You’re a gold mine. You should be charging for this.

P.S. I find you oddly attractive, which is weird cause I found Shrek to be awfully hideous.

XOXO

Jennifer

 

Dear Jennifer,

Thank you, I think…

All this incredible amounts of humor just comes from my brain. They have done studies on it to see exactly how it ticks. I’ll let you know the results at a later date.

And I give this away for free mainly because I can’t find anyone who wants to pay me for doing this. But rest assured once I do I’ll be selling out. I gots bills to pay.

 

 

Dear Johnny,

I just made a huge mistake. I was at my girlfriends house and things got hot and heavy. This morning she tells me she’s pregnant. What do I do?

Please help me.

Steve

 

Dear Steve,

You’re screwed. You can do the honorable thing and marry her and raise the child. Or you can kick her in the stomach, although society doesn’t look too kindly on that scenario.

(Johnnyism does not condone any sort of violence, especially toward pregnant women. If my mom had been kicked when I was in her womb then I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be reading this gem)

 

Lastly, I just wanted to point out that I really miss playing the super Nintendo Mario All Stars game. Sadly I don’t have a Super Nintendo nor the game so that may never happen. I realize again that talking about this is yet another reason why girls don’t find me attractive, but I felt the need to get this out there. Donations of Super Nintendos with Mario All Stars games are welcome.

Before I go, since this is the season of giving, I figured I would talk about a charity that everyone should donate money to. It’s the “Help Johnny Get A New HDTV” fund. Any and all donations are welcome to this as well. You will feel better once you give to this fund.

That’s all for now. Soon hopefully the new pod casts will be up. Over and out!

Hello ladies and gentleman. I, Johnny, would like to take this moment to officially throw in my name for president. That’s right. I want to run for the President of the United States. Why should you vote for me? What can I do for you? I’m glad you asked. I’m going to tell you in these next blog installments!

I, Johnny, promise to you all that when I become president, there will be free drinks in every drink machine! That’s sodas for everyone!!!

I, Johnny, promise you that if you elect me president, then women will no longer feel pain in child birth! That’s right. I promise you that if you have a child ladies, you won’t feel a thing. And this is without drugs. WITHOUT any kind of drug.

If you elect me president, I promise you that I will make it so that everyone is able to get a gun AND that bullets will no longer kill people. You will be able to shoot all you want. Also, knives will tickle.

I also promise that if you elect me president I shall raise minimum wage to 27.55 an hour.

If you, the beautiful people of the United States of America choose to elect me president, I promise to you all that I will make everyone immortal. That’s right. I will make it so that no one dies.

Also, elect me president and I promise you that I will make sure that Wendys, Mcdonalds, Burger King and Taco Bell will all expand their value menus.

That’s all I am going to tell you for now. Before I leave you, take a look at this chart below. It will tell you how happy the country is now and how happy the country will be after I am president.

 bar-graph-for-president-happyness-level.jpg