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Everyone knows that the NBA was amazing in the 90s.  I was lucky enough to grow up in the era in which not only had Michael Jordan, but also featured the Dream Team, Shawn Kemp, and the Charlotte Hornets.  Today we’re gonna dive deep into the real reasons as to why the 90s NBA was the greatest.  Starting with….Grandmama.

AAA

Larry Johnson was a powerful undersized forward for the Charlotte Hornets.  When he wasn’t playing basketball with someone roughly the size of your youngest child (Muggsy Bogues), he would spend his free time dressed up as an elderly woman.  It’s not my place to ask why nor is it my place to judge.  All I know is that when Grandmama stepped on the black top in an episode of Family Matters and played ball with a now somehow coordinated Steve Urkel my childhood was complete.  Not even Eddie Winslow could stop Grandmama!

AAAA

Space Jam

The year was 1996.  The world would never be the same after the great documentary “Space Jam” was released.  In this gritty little indie film, Michael Jordan is just minding his own business playing golf with Larry Bird and Peter Venkman when he’s pulled into a new world in which a rabbit and his friends are going to be forced into slavery.  Jordan not only saves their world, but he also saves the talents of Charles Barkley, Grandmama, Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing, and some tall white Mormon guy.  This film is vital to our history.

aaaaa

Lil’ Penny

Penny Hardaway was another one of the players I loved as a child.  This guy could ball.  But what was even better than he was Lil Penny.  Lil Penny would be everywhere.  Some say he was just a doll.  But I like to think that he was a part of Penny Hardaway.  A very small part that loved to do commercials.

That’s all for today.  I’ve said this before, I know, but I hope to start to keep this blog up and going again.  It has been a few years since I had.  So stay tuned!

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The number one song in America right now is “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha (that’s right with a dollar sign).  This of course is what we deserve for all those years we enslaved people.  But if you listen to the song you may not understand it.  So that’s where I come in.  Today, I’m going to give you the lyrics to the song and then tell you what exactly they mean.  So strap in.

Tik Tok by Ke$ha

Wake up in the morning
Feeling like P Diddy
Grab my glasses
I’m out the door

So she wakes up before lunch time.  She happens to feel like P. Diddy.  I assume this means she feels black, talentless, and like making some cash off of a dead more talented friend.  She doesn’t have her contacts with her, so she grabs her glasses.  I mean, you got to see where you’re walking to right?  Then she goes out the door.  Not cause you want her to, but because she wants to.  Very empowering to all the young ladies out there.

I’m gonna hit the city
Before I leave
Brush my teeth with a
Bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for
The night I aint coming back

The city has done her wrong so she’s going to hit it.  She fails to realize that “the city” is a physical place and not something you can “hit.”  She remembers before she goes out the door that she forgot to brush her teeth.  Apparently she was out of Crest so she grabs the next best thing: an alcoholic beverage.  That’s why some people brush their teeth with Pepsi products.  She’s going to leave for the entire night and she’ll be damned if she’s coming back.  No way.  Not her.  Not now.  Not ever.  Well, at least not tonight.

I’m talking pedicure on our toes (toes)
Tryin on all our clothes (clothes)
Boys blowin up our phones (phones)
Drop topping, playing our favorite CD’s
Pulling up to the partys
Tryin a get a little bit TIPSY

She wants to get her toes looking very nice to make up for how the rest of her looks like she just walked out of a trailer park from the deep south.  She tries on all her clothes. She’s showing responsibility and wants to make sure they fit.  But she knows they will since she does cocaine and only weighs 14 pounds.  Then some guys get their phones and explode them.  Perhaps as a prank of some sort or just because they like the pretty colors.  She has a favorite cd (I’m assuming New Kids on the Block) and she can only play it with her shirt off.  The she goes to parties so she can get drunk and pass out and forget that she has no ambitions.

Don’t Stop
Make it Pop
DJ blown my speakers up
Tonight I’ma fight

She enjoys the music so much that she doesn’t want it to stop (this could also be a sexual reference).  She wants the speakers so loud that they pop and destroy themselves, but it’s ok since she didn’t pay for them anyway.  The DJ has blown up her speakers (she apparently lets guys get a hold of her things and explode them).  She wants to fight since she realizes that she’s famous for this song and that gives her little credibility in anything in the entire world.

Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don’t stop
No oh, oh oo whoa oo whoa oh
Oh oo whoa oo whoa oh
Oh oo whoa oo whoa oh

She is going to stay out until the sun wakes up.  This is the very same thing she would do constantly to ensure she could always disappoint her parents.  The clock makes the sound “tick tock”.  Apparently she only has an old time like clock with her since she doesn’t have a digital watch and some boys had exploded her cell phone earlier in the evening.  Even though the next day is arriving, the party is not ending.  No it’s not. oh oo whoa oo whoa oh it’s not.  oh oo whoa oo whoa oh.

Aint got a care in the world
But got plenty of BEER
Aint got no money in my pocket
But I’m already here

She doesn’t have a care in the world, just like most young blonde white girls.  She does have plenty of beer.  She’s completely broke, but it doesn’t matter, since she’s a young blond white girl and will never pay for anything.

And now the dudes are lining up
Cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb
Unless they look like Mick Jagger

The word has gotten around to everyone.  So the guys start showing up because they heard there are some drunk blond girls dancing .  But they don’t have a chance with them unless they look like an 82 year old skinny drug abuser who’s face is melting off.

I’m talkin bout
Everybody getting crunk (crunk)
Boys try to touch my junk (junk)
Gonna smack em if there gettin too drunk (drunk)
Night night we going to kick this out (out)
The police shut us down (down)
Police shut us down (down)
Po po shut us (DOWN)

She’s talking about everyone there getting crunk.  Crunk, of course, is the combination of “crap” and “junk”.  Some boys there are trying to touch her junk.  Junk means her personal area and apparently some male children are trying to touch it, but to be fair they’re just now discovering their own bodies.  She will not hesitate to smack an adolescent male child if they do touch her.  She’s getting tired now and told everyone good night. The police came to shut down the festivities, probably because of the possibility of riots and looting.

You build me up
You break me down
My heart it poundin
Yeah you got me
With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yea you got me

This whole part is about her getting arrested.  I would say more to explain this, but I just don’t care enough.

So there you have it folks.  Now when you hear this amazing piece of art on the radio you will know exactly what it means.