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In a new series here on my blog, I will begin to tell you about things I know about.  By doing so I am sure to not only impress you with my vast knowledge, but prove to all those doubters that I am as smart as I pretend to be.

These are the things I know about bears.  Stephen Colbert has been right all along, these beasts are natures butchering machines.

1.  People in the middle ages at one time thought bears could fly.  These people were idiots.  Everyone knows that bears do not fly, they glide from tree to tree.

2.  Everyone assumes that Dr. James Naismith invented the game of basketball.  Actually it was invented by a polar bear named Jim.

3.  A bear not only is responsible for the Great Chicago Fire, it also successfully wrote a newspaper story that influenced the nation to blame a cow.

4.  Bears are very good typists.

5.  Bears are able to dunk at the age of 4.

6.  Bears are known to steal human infants and make them knit their socks for pennies a day.

7.  Can bears drive?  Oh yeah.  But they’re picky drivers.  You will never see a bear behind the wheel of a Kia.

8.  You know what’s so great about bears?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

9.  Never agree to watch a movie with a bear.  They will only watch The Notebook.

10.  Bears are afraid of butter, but not afraid of margarine.

11.  BONUS BEAR FACT: Bears are big fans of Joshua Jackson.

12  DOUBLE BONUS BEAR FACT:  Bears like to listen to Barry Manilow while working out.

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