You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘democrat’ tag.

I visited a different church today. It was a church much larger than the one I normally attend. Did I learn anything this Sunday morning? Well here are the notes I took while I sat through the service.


* The upcoming election is about death.

* Some people vote for baby killing.

* Some democrats are actually pro-life.

* There was some standing to show support of babies.

* People also clapped in support of babies.

* There is a cereal called “Sugar Kern Pops” that had nike missiles.

* Rat traps won’t hurt you. Trust me.

* I felt like the pastor was talking to me when he said “I’m talking to you young person.”

* I covet those who have the ability to not covet.

* A good glove will not improve your baseball skills.


So there you have it. Hopefully this will give you the feeling of being in the room with me.

SPECIAL NOTE: I would do this all the time, but people from my church read this, and I already have to field enough questions about the stuff I write.

This is just a quick little note.  Everything in the media is apparently pro-Obama.  Now, while before I hadn’t completely made up my mind as to who i was going to waste my vote on, I have since done so.  I will be voting for you McCain.  Is it because I think he has a sense of humor and I identify with that?  Sort of.  But mainly it’s because I am so friggin sick and tired of reading nothing but amazing things that Obama did. 

The guy did not go to Iraq UNTIL it was brought up he hadn’t been.  Do you think he would of went if no one had thought to push that issue to the front?  No.  And do you think he did it to better understand the war issue or because he knew the press would eat it up like a starving Cuban who had been out in the ocean for months seeing his first real American buffet restaurant?  You decide.

It’s like when they overplay a song on the radio.  You like it at first but dang if it doesn’t get old till you just can’t stand the sound of it anymore.  That’s the reason why the band Creed died.  Barack Obama is the political version of Creed.  There, I said it. 

Guess what?  I don’t even hate Obama.  If he gets elected I’m not going to move out of the country or anything (mainly due to me being lazy, which really just makes me more American).  The media believes that Obama craps out stools of 15 karat gold.  If you even try to criticize anything Obama says then apparently you’re a terrible person.  They look at you like you have just kicked a small orphaned child. 


No Mr. Obama, I do not hate you.  Actually I think you’d be cool to shoot some hoops with.  But the media has turned me against you.  Why can’t a news channel actually just report the news without any sort of opinion or political slant to it?  Is it impossible to give unbiased reports?  I wouldn’t mind it if they were upfront about it.  I fully admit that this site is my ramblings of stupidity.  So why not admit that you’re politically slanted media?  Hmmmm….


NOTE:  This could change if the media suddenly decides to back John Mccain.

Has the upcoming election confused you? Don’t really know who to vote for? Do you feel yourself wondering what each candidate stands for? Have no fear my faithful reader, for I will tell you a little something about each candidate. This is where to come if you are an undecided voter.




NAME: Barack Obama

NICKNAME: Barackie Boy, Mr. Suit and Tie, Sweet Cheeks

AGE: 47


MARITAL STATUS: Married. To a woman even.



long walks on the beach, romantic candle lit dinners, scooters, the word “subliminal”, all three Shrek movies, Bruce Springsteen, the part in The Wizard of Oz that is in color, freeze tag, a cold refreshing Sprite, slowly letting America know he’s inexperienced.


old people, books, Quantum Leap, blondes, women, blonde women, anyone with the last name Clinton, blonde women with the last name Clinton.


-Bring American troops back home. We’ll need them for when we invade the next country on the list (I’m looking at you, Iran)

-make health care affordable for those who could afford it.

-increase the minimum wage, thus raising the amount of money it takes to be considered poor.

-invade anywhere with global warming, since it is the real terrorist threat.

-make it so that every television station will run at least one commercial per half hour that shows how great Barack Obama is.





heat vision, super speed, flight, the ability to adapt and to say whatever pleases the group he just happens to be standing in front of, a really sweet looking cape.




NAME: John McCain

NICKNAME: Cranky, Slow Poke, That One Guy From The Movie “Grumpy Old Men”


AGE: 72 (Mr. McCain wishes to inform the public that age is just a number)




MARITAL STATUS: Has been married twice, once to his wife now, and once more back when he was involved in a love triangle with Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh.



Matlock, Werther’s Originals, hard candy, social security, Medicare, pain medication, music before guitars were invented, driving 25 mph below the speed limit, Roy Rogers, Hardee’s breakfast, senior citizen discounts, waking up at 5:30 A.M.


Young people on his lawn, change, noise, music with drums, Vietnam, anyone with their original teeth, chewy food, 9:00 P.M, people not remembering the good ole’ days.


-Defeat Terrorism. With his bare hands that he can’t raise above his head.

-Get rid of Rated R movies.

-Declare that everyone must own an “I Love My Grandpa” shirt.

-lower health costs on prostate exams.

-make 72 years old the new 40.




yelling at young people, super strength, hip with the ability to break, supporting our troops while pointing out how no one else is, can take his teeth in and out of his own mouth.






NAME: Johnny Townsend

NICKNAME: Shrekness, Bud, That Weird Guy Who Keeps Staring at Me

AGE: 25

POLITICAL PARTY: He represents all of America

MARITAL STATUS: Single, oh so very single…


America, chicken, girls who say they like him but only as a friend, basketball, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jesse Jackson and his witty sayings, saving kittens stuck in trees, saving babies stuck in trees, being a people person, pretending to be President and learning how to handle being blamed for everything, Ford Mustangs, fast cars, fast women, slow women, smart women, dumb women, women with little or no standards, desperate women…(EDITORS NOTE: this goes on like this for another five or six lines, so I will fast forward it)….and blue women like on Star Trek


anyone who hates America, guns (unless you like guns then he does too), criminals, Nicholas Cage movies, Nickelback songs, Jesse Jackson and his witty sayings, Chinese checkers, he hates everything that you hate, unless you like that thing he hates, which in that case he likes it too…or hates it….wait did you say you liked it or hated it cause he totally agrees with you.


-end world hunger

-make bad movies the new source of fuel, thus ending our gasoline crises by replacing it with a never ending source.

-he will end the pain women feel during child birth

-he will follow you to school and beat up those bullies who have been bothering you

-he swears to stop hurricanes in their tracks

-promises to rid the world of any movie that includes the words “Traveling Pants.”

-will replace the wheel with the triangle

-promises to acknowledge that he has no experience, but more than makes up for that with intelligence.

-promises to admit that he’s no intelligent.


NUMBER OF FLIP FLOPS PER MONTH: he claims to only wear tennis shoes that are made by 8 year old Korean children just like every other American.


is a lot like Batman, minus the cool gadgets and skills and athletic ability, can leap tall pebbles in a single bound, his superb jumping ability allows him to complete many lay ups, thus allowing him to dominate any WNBA game.




There you have it. You’re three presidential candidates. Hopefully this little cheat sheet will help you in your decision.

On another note, I have been allowed to join the website This website lets you see a wide collection of humorous blogs. It also allows you to rank them. I am not above asking you to vote for me, since I could really use anything that could be construed as a small victory. So please go to that site (the link is on the side in my Blogroll). With your help, I can go from being ranked 796th overall to 782nd.


I thought I would end this helpful blog with a picture of the third candidate, Johnny Townsend, in action at a recent rally in Hickory, North Carolina.