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In today’s installment of what I know, everything I know about dolphins.
1. Not only can dolphins swim, they can also do a mean Bill Cosby impression.
2. Dolphins like to put “Slippery When Wet” stickers on other dolphins backs when they’re not looking.
3. In 1992, a gang of dolphins robbed and beat an old woman nearly to death. The case was thrown out, however, when for the crime the judge could not find a porpoise.
4. Just like most humans, dolphins do not find Kathy Griffin funny.
5. While being one of the most famous dolphins, Flipper was also an alcoholic.
6. A sit com starring two dolphins and a baby titled “Two and a Half Fins” was cancelled when the producers discovered there was another sit com with a similar title.
7. Most dolphins can get into any college of their choosing.
8. Dolphins still kick themselves for not being there to save Leonardo DiCaprio when the Titanic sank.
These dolphins are actually planning the eventual invasion of the humans. They got this from a Simpsons episode and thought it seemed like a pretty good idea.