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This is the beginning of a new chapter to the Johnnyism blog.  This means, of course, that I’ll actually try to write an entry more often.  Today I begin a new series.  Will this new series involve me posting and responding to all the negative comments I get?  No.  Everyone already knows I’m a terrible writer and that I’m insanely ignorant.  This one is about things or people that have changed the world.  In today’s episode, we talk about the Facebook.

FACEBOOK: Where An Adult Can Pretend He Has a Life

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT??:  Facebook allows us to keep in contact with people we may have lost contact with, no matter how much we may or may not want to.  It allows us to feel powerful as we hold the balance of someone’s social life in our hands. Stanleywants to be friends?  Not now  Stanley, not now.

Facebook changed the way we socialize.  Before, we wasted so many hours actually getting out of the house, meeting people and hanging out physically with people.  But now no more of that hassle.  Now I can just sit in my computer chair, eating my ice cream cake by myself and no one has to hear my sobbing. 

BRIEF HISTORY:  The movie The Social Network famously portrayed the history of Facebook.  Tho it did get a few things wrong.  Yes, Jesse Eisenberg did in fact invent Facebook.  But what you may not know is that he got the idea from someone hash tagging him on his Twitter account.  Facebook founder Jesse Eisenberg envisioned his creation to not only be a place where people could come together and express themselves, but also as a place where religious girls could post their two piece bikini pics.  And on both accounts he can count himself as a success.

Facebook is now worth approximately the same as the state ofTexas.  Eisenberg has told Texas that he would consider a trade. Texas is considering his offer. 


Facebook has more members than any club. 

Facebook tastes better with the tears of a cyber bullied teenager. 

On Facebook, you may become a fan of an actual wind blowing fan.  Not only does this blow my mind, it also makes me question my religious beliefs.

Without Facebook, I may have never been able to find out just how great my ex girl friend is doing….(the author leaves the room for approximately 45 minutes to compose himself).    

Jesse Eisenberg, the creator of Facebook.  Do not question me on this undeniable fact. 

Thanks to Facebook I was able to become a fan of this.

I was “tagged” on Facebook recently to write 15 random things about myself. I thought this would be good enough to write for my blog, and to not put on Facebook since I have more invested in Johnnyism (emotionally, not with any sort of currency or anything that matters). Please enjoy this list. Or don’t. This is America, you can do whatever you want.

1. I was asked to leave Toys ‘R’ Us after a woman was offended that I told her she smelled like cupcakes. In my defense, I thought it was a compliment, since I love me some cupcakes.

2. Someone once told me to wipe that stupid look off my face, to which I replied I could not, since it was my actual face that God had given me.

3. I used to believe that if you looked up into the sky and rain got into your eye, that it would forever change your eye color. Then I realized that I’m a complete moron.

4. I once took a construction cone from a church parking lot. It’s in my bedroom. I figured God had plenty of construction cones and I wasn’t doing any harm.

5. I always wear clothes to bed. Why you ask? I have this fear that the house will catch fire or someone will break in, and I’ll have to run outside. I do this for everyone’s sake.

6. I once made a half court shot during half time of a local high school basketball game. The cheerleaders brought out a jump rope, to which they hold about hip high to show people where to shoot from. I, however, ran, rolled under the rope, and came out of the role into a jump shot (in one motion) and nailed it. That was my five minutes of fame. I will now forever remember the day I did that. My glory days…

7. I’ve actually had girlfriends before. I know, it’s hard to believe but it’s true. I’d have one now if women didn’t have “standards” or actually “enjoyed my company.”

8. I have gotten so old that I now make sounds when I move. And I’m only 26.

9. I am currently averaging about a 93 in guitar hero world tour on the hard difficulty on the guitar. I am beyond proud of myself, and if I ever find a woman who pities me enough to let me give her my seed and bear me a child, I will tell that child this fact so that he may at least have one thing to be proud of his dad about.

10. I’m oddly fast in distances less than 2.5 inches.

11. I enjoy ketchup, but do not enjoy tomatoes. Also, I enjoy parts of a woman, but not her constant babbling.

12. I could really go for a chicken patty sandwich right about now.

13. I really enjoy playing games online on my Xbox 360. I also enjoy all kinds of things that could be considered “nerdy.” I am actually upset when I am playing Call of Duty World at War and go one game with getting 20 kills and 8 deaths and 8 assists and go for 4 kills and 17 deaths the next game. God can be cruel.

14. Dang, I really, really would like a chicken patty sandwich.

15. I’d write number 15, but I’m going to go eat a chicken patty sandwich.

BONUS: That chicken patty sandwich I just ate was delicious.

BONUS #2: The Carolina Duke game will be much better than any Superbowl. I try to understand why people like football so much more than basketball, but I fail to do so. But then again, this is the same country that supports Nicholas Cage making movies.