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I was “tagged” on Facebook recently to write 15 random things about myself. I thought this would be good enough to write for my blog, and to not put on Facebook since I have more invested in Johnnyism (emotionally, not with any sort of currency or anything that matters). Please enjoy this list. Or don’t. This is America, you can do whatever you want.
1. I was asked to leave Toys ‘R’ Us after a woman was offended that I told her she smelled like cupcakes. In my defense, I thought it was a compliment, since I love me some cupcakes.
2. Someone once told me to wipe that stupid look off my face, to which I replied I could not, since it was my actual face that God had given me.
3. I used to believe that if you looked up into the sky and rain got into your eye, that it would forever change your eye color. Then I realized that I’m a complete moron.
4. I once took a construction cone from a church parking lot. It’s in my bedroom. I figured God had plenty of construction cones and I wasn’t doing any harm.
5. I always wear clothes to bed. Why you ask? I have this fear that the house will catch fire or someone will break in, and I’ll have to run outside. I do this for everyone’s sake.
6. I once made a half court shot during half time of a local high school basketball game. The cheerleaders brought out a jump rope, to which they hold about hip high to show people where to shoot from. I, however, ran, rolled under the rope, and came out of the role into a jump shot (in one motion) and nailed it. That was my five minutes of fame. I will now forever remember the day I did that. My glory days…
7. I’ve actually had girlfriends before. I know, it’s hard to believe but it’s true. I’d have one now if women didn’t have “standards” or actually “enjoyed my company.”
8. I have gotten so old that I now make sounds when I move. And I’m only 26.
9. I am currently averaging about a 93 in guitar hero world tour on the hard difficulty on the guitar. I am beyond proud of myself, and if I ever find a woman who pities me enough to let me give her my seed and bear me a child, I will tell that child this fact so that he may at least have one thing to be proud of his dad about.
10. I’m oddly fast in distances less than 2.5 inches.
11. I enjoy ketchup, but do not enjoy tomatoes. Also, I enjoy parts of a woman, but not her constant babbling.
12. I could really go for a chicken patty sandwich right about now.
13. I really enjoy playing games online on my Xbox 360. I also enjoy all kinds of things that could be considered “nerdy.” I am actually upset when I am playing Call of Duty World at War and go one game with getting 20 kills and 8 deaths and 8 assists and go for 4 kills and 17 deaths the next game. God can be cruel.
14. Dang, I really, really would like a chicken patty sandwich.
15. I’d write number 15, but I’m going to go eat a chicken patty sandwich.
BONUS: That chicken patty sandwich I just ate was delicious.
BONUS #2: The Carolina Duke game will be much better than any Superbowl. I try to understand why people like football so much more than basketball, but I fail to do so. But then again, this is the same country that supports Nicholas Cage making movies.