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This is the beginning of a new chapter to the Johnnyism blog.  This means, of course, that I’ll actually try to write an entry more often.  Today I begin a new series.  Will this new series involve me posting and responding to all the negative comments I get?  No.  Everyone already knows I’m a terrible writer and that I’m insanely ignorant.  This one is about things or people that have changed the world.  In today’s episode, we talk about the Facebook.

FACEBOOK: Where An Adult Can Pretend He Has a Life

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT??:  Facebook allows us to keep in contact with people we may have lost contact with, no matter how much we may or may not want to.  It allows us to feel powerful as we hold the balance of someone’s social life in our hands. Stanleywants to be friends?  Not now  Stanley, not now.

Facebook changed the way we socialize.  Before, we wasted so many hours actually getting out of the house, meeting people and hanging out physically with people.  But now no more of that hassle.  Now I can just sit in my computer chair, eating my ice cream cake by myself and no one has to hear my sobbing. 

BRIEF HISTORY:  The movie The Social Network famously portrayed the history of Facebook.  Tho it did get a few things wrong.  Yes, Jesse Eisenberg did in fact invent Facebook.  But what you may not know is that he got the idea from someone hash tagging him on his Twitter account.  Facebook founder Jesse Eisenberg envisioned his creation to not only be a place where people could come together and express themselves, but also as a place where religious girls could post their two piece bikini pics.  And on both accounts he can count himself as a success.

Facebook is now worth approximately the same as the state ofTexas.  Eisenberg has told Texas that he would consider a trade. Texas is considering his offer. 

INTERESTING FACTS:

Facebook has more members than any club. 

Facebook tastes better with the tears of a cyber bullied teenager. 

On Facebook, you may become a fan of an actual wind blowing fan.  Not only does this blow my mind, it also makes me question my religious beliefs.

Without Facebook, I may have never been able to find out just how great my ex girl friend is doing….(the author leaves the room for approximately 45 minutes to compose himself).    

Jesse Eisenberg, the creator of Facebook.  Do not question me on this undeniable fact. 

Thanks to Facebook I was able to become a fan of this.

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It’s America’s Birthday today.  The day that America was officially founded.  In this episode of my blog, I will celebrate America with some facts about it’s founding.  You’re welcome.

-George Washington’s teeth were false as the legend holds.  But they were actually made out of skulls of small kittens.

-America was discovered in 1974, when Tobey Maguire first landed here accidently when he was on his way to find a new passage to India.

-Benjamin Franklin not only invented many things, he also was an alcoholic.  And he did drugs.  He also was the father of many illegitimate children. 

-Fireworks were named after Lloyd B. Fireworks, who invented the colorful explosive while also blowing off his own left hand.

-George Washington liked to smack the buttocks of his soldiers during battle after they made a “good shot.”

-Benjamin Franklin invented Microsoft.

-John Adams, who would go on to become the second president, was against Thomas Jefferson writing any important document, stating that “John Hancock had much prettier handwriting and was easier to read.”

-The American Flag was actually created and sewn by a badger.

-America gained it’s independence from Brittain, defeating every one of their ninjas.

-George Washington only ever told one lie.  After chopping down a cherry tree, he told his father that he hadn’t done it, and then proceeded to blame it on George W. Bush.

-During many of the meetings of the Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin was often yelled at for “constant and excessive texting.”

Those are just some of the facts about the founding of America.  See what happens when you pay attention to history class?  Enjoy your holiday and be safe.  Over and out!

RHODE ISLAND

 

 

 

 

Rhode Island is the United States smallest state. This is actually the only thing you ever need to know about it. You should actually go back and read about a different state. Go on, I wouldn’t blame you. The one on Kentucky is pretty good.

 

 

WHERE THE NAME COME FROM

 

Ok really? You actually want to know where the name for Rhode Island came from? You’re doing this for a school project aren’t you? Alright fine. I’ll tell you. The name came from some guy who wanted to call it “red island.” They ended up changing the name after deciding the color red was just to violent.

 

 

CLIMATE

 

No one actually knows since the state is not large enough to be inhabited.

 

MAJOR CLIMATE EVENTS

 

Nothing major has ever happened to Rhode Island. Most storms just don’t have the heart to destroy something so small. Rhode Island just looks so cute standing there, pretending to be a grown up.

 

TOURIST ATTRACTIONS

 

Rhode Island doesn’t have many. No one ever has time to stop due to the fact that the entire state is one car length long.

 

 

HISTORY

 

1776: Rhode Island was the first colony to declare for independence from Great Britain. Rhode Island is still upset by the fact that no one really cared until Massachusetts declared independence themselves. Rhode Island is also angered by the fact that Massachusetts still gives it noogies after all these years.

1790: Rhode Island ushered in the industrial revolution. This ended hundreds of years of suffering by African Americans by starting a new era of suffering inside factories making items they themselves could not afford.

1812: Rhode Island refused to participate in the War of 1812. What Rhode Island didn’t realize was that it was never asked to.

1910: The population of Rhode Island reaches 540,000. No one knows how they all fit in there.

 

 

 

DEMOGRAPHIC

 

Rhode Island is made up of thousands of people from all creeds who wish their state was someone else.

 

 

PERCENTAGES

 

White: 65%

African American: They’re just there to crash on the couch for a few days.

People Who Like Numbers: 15%

People Who Believe The Simpsons stopped being funny ten seasons ago: 54%

 

 

MAJOR CITIES

 

You’re kidding right?

 

 

EDUCATION

 

100% read about their states own importance

100% become depressed afterwards

 

 

RECREATION

 

Rhode Islanders enjoy traveling. This is easier for them since they can get from one side of the state to the other in just under five minutes.

 

 

STATE AND FUN FACTS

 

-the first open golf tournament was held in Rhode Island. The first golfer hit his ball into another state. This is not as impressive as it sounds, since he only hit it a little under 100 yards.

– if you ask someone from Rhode Island about their state, they will tell you that Rhode Island is pretty much a living historical museum. When pressed for details, Rhode Islanders will then tell you they said that just so they’d feel important.

– Portsmouth was the first town established by a woman. This angered most men since that meant that she had not cooked dinner yet.

 

 

FAMOUS RHODE ISLANDERS

 

James Woods: apparently he is some sort of actor. I had to really reach to find famous people from Rhode Island.

Seth MacFarlene: known for making the animated comedy show Family Guy. Family Guy takes place in Rhode Island, making it the only thing to ever make the state remotely entertaining.

Unknown Person: I’m sure there will be more famous people from Rhode Island. So this is a place holder for that next person.

 

You have now seen the entire state of Rhode Island.

 

Oh this is James Woods.  I think I’ve seen this guy in some things, though I can’t quite place it.

 

This cell phone is only slightly larger then the state of Rhode Island.