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In today’s installment of what I know, it’s everything I know about Justin Bieber. Please do not fact check these. For if you do, then you’ll discover how ignorant I am (editor’s note: the author is pretty ignorant).
1. Justin Bieber was raised by a pack of badgers. This is why his hair is so nice.
2. Justin Bieber is actually 84 years old.
3. Justin Bieber does not know who Abraham Lincoln was, but does believe that Usher should be on the face of the penny.
4. Usher discovered Justin Bieber by accident when he typed in “pretty teenage singing girls” on Youtube.com.
5. Justin Bieber liked to wear a dress until he entered high school.
6. Justin Bieber is wanted in Canada for tax evasion.
7. Justin Bieber wears a wig and is actually completely bald.
8. Justin Bieber once stepped on a weasel.
9. Justin Bieber hangs out with black people.
10. Justin Bieber really enjoys the Canadian Healthcare system. This is why he has had all his numerous cosmetic surgeries in Quebec.
11. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber fell in love when they discovered they both really liked that Hannah Montana show.
12. Justin Bieber lost a finger in a freak toaster oven accident.
This ten-year old girl is actually Justin Bieber