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Everyone knows that the NBA was amazing in the 90s.  I was lucky enough to grow up in the era in which not only had Michael Jordan, but also featured the Dream Team, Shawn Kemp, and the Charlotte Hornets.  Today we’re gonna dive deep into the real reasons as to why the 90s NBA was the greatest.  Starting with….Grandmama.

AAA

Larry Johnson was a powerful undersized forward for the Charlotte Hornets.  When he wasn’t playing basketball with someone roughly the size of your youngest child (Muggsy Bogues), he would spend his free time dressed up as an elderly woman.  It’s not my place to ask why nor is it my place to judge.  All I know is that when Grandmama stepped on the black top in an episode of Family Matters and played ball with a now somehow coordinated Steve Urkel my childhood was complete.  Not even Eddie Winslow could stop Grandmama!

AAAA

Space Jam

The year was 1996.  The world would never be the same after the great documentary “Space Jam” was released.  In this gritty little indie film, Michael Jordan is just minding his own business playing golf with Larry Bird and Peter Venkman when he’s pulled into a new world in which a rabbit and his friends are going to be forced into slavery.  Jordan not only saves their world, but he also saves the talents of Charles Barkley, Grandmama, Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing, and some tall white Mormon guy.  This film is vital to our history.

aaaaa

Lil’ Penny

Penny Hardaway was another one of the players I loved as a child.  This guy could ball.  But what was even better than he was Lil Penny.  Lil Penny would be everywhere.  Some say he was just a doll.  But I like to think that he was a part of Penny Hardaway.  A very small part that loved to do commercials.

That’s all for today.  I’ve said this before, I know, but I hope to start to keep this blog up and going again.  It has been a few years since I had.  So stay tuned!

The great state of Illinois.  Home of something….

 

Where the Name Comes From

Illinois got it’s name from the tribe of Native Americans called the Illini. They were known for their corn growing skills and their ability to hit jump shots. When the white man came, they taught them all they knew, thus keeping the white man useful in basketball.

 

 

Climate:

Since Illinois is a very long state, the weather varies depending upon where you are. Illinois once got into a fight with Ohio when Ohio famously asked the top of Illinois “how the weather was up there.”

 

 

Major Terrible Events:

The Great Chicago Fire (1871). This fire destroyed four square miles of Chicago. It was caused when Catherine O’Leary decided she would milk her cow without warming her hands. These cold hands caused the cow to kick in surprise, knocking over a lantern. This story is true in every aspect except for the part that involved anything with a cow or cold hands. Actually, in 1893 a reporter admitted that he made it up to make a more colorful story. He also admitted to making up the American Civil War, The Alamo, the 1985 Chicago Bears winning the championship, and man landing on the moon.

Winds: Chicago is known as the “windy city” causing many of it’s inhabitants to complain about having their hair ruined.

 

 

Tourist Attractions:

Everything to do in Illinois is in Chicago. If you go to anywhere else in the state, you risk internal boredom or even death by corn.

 

 

History:

1818: Illinois became the 21st state. The state decided it wouldn’t allow slavery, electing instead to become farmers themselves and make all their kids do all the work.

1908: Springfield race riot. A famous riot that began when someone made fun of Homer Simpson for having yellow skin. It lasted through three “doh’s,” two “eat my shorts” and four “don’t have a cow, man’s.”

1919: Chicago race riots. Thirty-eight people die, more than 500 are injured and nearly a thousand residents are left homeless proving that Chicago could do a race riot better than Springfield. This became the last thing that Chicago ever was better than someone else in.

1991: The Chicago Bulls start to win one of many NBA championships. It started Michael Jordan’s great career till he tarnished it with trying to play baseball and star in Space Jam with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

 

 

PERCENTAGES:

65% Caucasian

42% African American

15% have never been to Chicago but heard it was really nice

27% really don’t like math.

 

 

Major Cities:

Springfield-yet another city that somehow becomes the capital even though it’s way less important than another city.

Chicago- some claim that Chicago is the only reason to keep Illinois around. Others claim even that reason isn’t good enough.

 

 

Education:

77% can read

55% think that reading is for suckers and would rather shoot a tommy gun.

 

 

Fun Facts:

-If Chicago were to become it’s own state, then the rest of Illinois would become useless.

-Chicago sports teams are known for their defense, their tenacity, and their ability to always come up short and let those who support them down.

-The first skyscraper was built in Chicago in 1885. Followed soon by the first crazy person to try to climb a skyscraper.

-In 1865 Illinois became the first state to ratify the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Many African American farm workers in Illinois celebrated by singing old hymns as they worked in the fields.

-The Illinois state dance is the square dance. Anyone caught doing it is also a square (This joke brought to you circa 1967).

-Nabisco has the world‘s largest cookie and cracker factory in Chicago. You can be arrested for calling someone a “cracker” as well as eating your Oreo Cookie in the wrong manner. One must twist and then pull to make sure there is cream on both sides of the cookie.

 

 

Famous Illinoisans:

Charlton Heston. An actor who was best known for wanting to shoot a gun more so than his own acting.

Bill Murray. Famous actor best known for the historical document Ghostbusters which was based on the true story of four heroes who saved New York from a giant walking marshmallow.

Walt Disney. This man created Mickey Mouse and Disney. He did this while also hating children and Jews, leaving him with precious little “me” time.

 

The home of many a fan’s shattered dreams.

 

If you look closely you can find Waldo.

 

You have just seen what the rest of the state of Illinois looks like.

 

After reaching a new population milestone, Chicago had to set up a new parking system.

 

After building the world’s largest bottle of ketchup, Illinois residents cursed themselves for not building the world’s largest french fry.

 

Mickey would go on to become just one of many Disney characters who would refuse to wear both a shirt and a pair of pants at the same time.