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Some people are depressed. And it’s easy to see why. The economy isn’t coming off as very stable as of late. An election over the horizon has some people confused as to which direction this country is heading. Some people are losing their homes. The world is just brutal and uncompromising. But fear not my friends. I have the solution.

For merely $55 a month, you can become a member of the Johnny Townsend Positive People Club (JTPPC). A place were people of all creeds can come together and be positive all the time in the face of the negative world. I know you people need a get away. Where you can just be surrounded by a ring of joy.  Join the JTPPC. It will be the best thing you ever did. Here are a few people who joined the JTPPC and what they had to say!

“I was thinking about joining the circus where I could be around those who look like me. But now thanks to JTPPC, I trick myself into thinking that society accepts me!” –Sam Jones


“Without the JTPPC I would still be watching old Brittney Spears videos in my underwear covered in my own filth.” –Jim Smith


“I would sit around on my butt playing Guitar Hero all day like a loser with no friends. Now, thanks to JTPPC, I sit around on my butt playing Guitar Hero with other people.”

–Heath Gibson


“Women used to never give me a chance. They would suck my self confidence out of me with every rejection they unleashed upon me. Then I joined JTPPC. And now I only feel half the urge to put a shotgun up to my chin as I did before. A new level of positive thinking has allowed me to just keep breathing one last day.” –Jake Daniels


“There is this tree in my front yard. I used to look up into it, thinking how magical it would be to be a limp body hanging from one of it’s branches. I would just look up into that tree, thinking about that sweet release. Then, on a whim, I joined the JTPPC. Now I don’t think about ending my life at any time!” –Tim O’Toole


“This club is so amazing! I cannot get over how great it makes you feel! Without it, I dunno where I would be.  Johnny has created a club that will help so many people. And all I had to do was to keep giving him money and not ask questions! Brilliant!” –A tool


“I don’t know where I am…” –a senile senior


You too could have this level of happiness. Just for a small percentage of your annual income, you will defeat those inner demons that the world has surrounded you with. Now what exactly does this club do? Oh to find that out you have to join. I am so positive that your life will be changed that if it’s not then I will personally guarantee that I will pretend to know what you’re going through and string you along even more.

So what are you waiting for? Join the JTPPC today!!!!!