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Now I know I haven’t wrote in while.  And I know you’re crying and rioting in the streets because of it.  So to make up for that, I am posting two quick blogs.  You’re getting two blogs in one!  Though technically they’re both real small and don’t even really equal up to one blog.  Beggars can’t be choosers my friends.  But they can be Americans.  And I’m American.  What I’m trying to say is happy birthday America.

One Thing Led To Another

I heard a comedian once bring up that the fact that the phrase “one thing led to another” was a cop out.  It leaves out so many details.  And this is true.  I will prove this by the following examples.

*I went over to Suzy’s house, and one thing led to another, and by the end of the night I was in jail without any pants on.

*Jim was racing, and one thing led to another, and now he’s lost.

*So this guy Adolf becomes the leader of Germany, and well, one thing led to another, and at the end a bunch of Jews died.

See what I mean? 

How to Avoid Fights

I have been in about two fights in my entire life, so it’s obvious I know how to avoid them.  So here are a few tips in how to avoid a fight.

1. Play with his hair.  This will comfort him and lull him to sleep. 

2. Poop yourself.  No one wants to fight someone who has just soiled themselves.

3. Drop your pants.  When he asks you what you’re doing, explain to him that’s how you have always fought. 

4. Start to sing Cher songs.  You’ll either scare them away, or find out that the Cher trick doesn’t work on homosexuals.

5.  Tell them you’re a famous writer of blogs.  By the time they realize how stupid and pointless and useless a blog really is, you are long gone. 


There you have it.  Two quick blog posts in one post!  It’s perfect to help out the economy!  Maybe next time I’ll actually give you something substantial to read, but don’t count on it.  My next blog will probably be just like dating me, short lived and not very gratifying.