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Oregon has been inhabited for well over ten years.  Not only does it have beautiful forests, but it also has beautiful forest fires.  Also, Noah’s Arc might be there.  I’m lying of course to try to make Oregon sound less boring.


Oregon got it’s name from the popular computer game “Oregon Trail.”  The game became so popular that it was voted as the name of the newly founded state.  This is true.  Please don’t fact check.  Fact checking will do nothing but derail my hopes and dreams.


It’s constantly raining in Oregon.  Actually I’m assuming this.  And assuming has never gotten anyone in trouble.


Oregon is hit with severe storms, floods, earthquakes, and extreme amounts of boredom.


1.  Oregon Vortex — It’s considered America’s premier “mystery spot.”  This means that since 1930, the Oregon Vortex has been tricking people out of their money for years.  The optical illusions weren’t originally done on purpose however.  It was just built by really terrible carpenters.

2. Henry the Bear — You can visit Henry, a real live bear.  You can also feed it cookies, hamburger meat, your left hand or a small child.


–Some say that humans have lived in Oregon as far back as 15,000 years ago.  They didn’t stay long once they realized they were in Oregon and there was nothing to do there.

–After Oregon was admitted as a state in 1859, many people decided to adventure out to the new frontier for a fresh start.  Many didn’t make it.  Most drowned while trying to fjord rivers.  Even more died from dysentery.  These are jokes about the video game that I played as a child in first grade.  It was there that I learned disappointment, failure, and what you can’t do with floppy discs.


Oregon’s population has topped out at 101 people and 300 billion trees.  90 percent live in Portland, while the other 10 percent wonder how they ended up there.


Caucasians – 88%

African Americans – 5%

Hippies – 45%

African American Hippies – Dwayne.  Although most suspect he’s just pretending to be a hippie for the pot.


Portland.  In this amazing city, you will find a lot to enjoy if you like to do things.  (Editor Note:  the author fell asleep while trying to come up with why Portland was exciting)


99% can read.
1% is an infant.


Most Oregon residents spend their time climbing trees and trying to convince other people that Oregon isn’t a part of Canada.


*Bill Gates, Microsoft, and Starbucks are in Washington.  And that’s near Oregon.

*You can break all the mirrors you want to in Oregon since it’s already considered to be bad luck to be living there in the first place.

*Oregon had to ban the act of whistling while being under water when it was discovered that people were drowning while trying to do so.


Matt Groening, the creator of the Simpson.  He is known for not only creating the longest running prime time tv series in history, but also for not knowing when to quit something when it stopped being good.

Dallas McKennon.  Not only was he the voice of Tony the Tiger, but also, Heeeeeeeee’s dead.

This marks the third or fourth time I referenced The Oregon Trail.  I am planning on writing a movie based on this game, in which I go to the west for a new start just to end up dying when I get bitten by a badger.

The city of Portland has been stalking California since 1992, constantly jumping behind these bushes when California would turn around.

This is what Oregon looks like.  I know, I’m scared too.

Donatello stared at Johnny. “Who do you think you are? That’s my piece of chicken pot pie!” Johnny’s eyes turned angry. “You stupid green turtle, it’s mine!” The two stared down each other, and as they did, the whole world stopped

Donatello leaps first, grabbing Johnny by his neck, choking him with all his might. “I will end you!” Donatello screamed.

Donatello then begins his assault. He had an advantage Johnny did not have, for he was taught martial arts by a rat in the sewers of New York City. Donatello lands a swift and brutal kick to the face of Johnny.